Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Weirdsville On The Cud

Here's another special piece I did for the great folks at the Aussie site The CudThis time it's about the incredible Felix von Luckner, the The Benevolent Sea-Devil.


 The year: 1917, the height of the War To End All Wars, sadly now referred to as World War 1. The Place: The Atlantic Ocean. You: the captain of an allied merchant ship carrying coal from Cardiff to Buenos Aires.

Then, like a ghost from the distant past, a ship appears: a beautiful three mastered windjammer flying a Norwegian flag. Staggered by this hauntingly lovely anachronism you think nothing of it coming alongside – it was common, after all, for friendly ships to want to synchronize their chronometers – until, that is, the ship's Norwegian flag is quickly replaced by the German eagle and the captain, in amazingly polite terms, backed up by guns that have mysteriously appeared in the windjammer's gunwales, explains that your ship is now his.

And so you have been captured by the Seeadler ("Sea Eagle" in German), captained by Felix von Luckner, or, as he was known by both enemies as all as allies, the Benevolent Sea-Devil.
Some people's lives are so broad, so wild, so amazing that they simply don't seem real. The stuff of Saturday matinees? Sure. But real, authentic and true? Never! But if even half of Felix von Luckner's life is true – and there's no reason to really doubt any of it – then he was truly a broad, wild, and utterly amazing fellow.
Born in 1881, in Dresden, Felix ran away from home at 13. Stowing away on a Russian trawler, he fell overboard – rescued, so the story goes, by grabbing hold of an albatross, the bird's flapping wings acting as a signal to a rescue party.

Making his way to Australia, Felix tried a number of – to put it politely – odd jobs: boxer, circus acrobat, bartender, fisherman, lighthouse keeper (until discovered with the daughter of a hotel owner), railway worker, kangaroo hunter, and even had a stint in the Mexican army. During all this Felix also became a notable magician and a favorite entertainer to no less than Kaiser Wilhelm himself.


Making his way back to Germany he passed his navigation exams and served aboard a steamer before getting called to serve in the Navy on the SMS Panther.

Which brings us to that War That Was Supposedly The End To All Wars. Even though it was fought with steel and oil, the German's outfitted a number of older ships as raiders -- hidden guns, more powerful engines and the like – and sent them out to harass allied shipping. Most of them were, to put it politely, a failure. But then there was the Seeadler, under the command of Felix von Luckner.

During the course of the war Felix sank or captured no less that 16 ships – a staggering amount. What’s even more staggering is how Felix did it, and that he did it with grace, honor, and even a certain kindness. You see, while the Seeadler took out those ships it, during it's entire campaign, did it at the cost of only single human life. Most of the time the scenario went just as it did with your merchant ship carrying coal from Cardiff to Buenos Aries: the Seeadler would approach a target, raise it's German eagle and that would be that: the crew and cargo would be captured and the ship scuttled. Sometimes she'd fire a shot to two to get her pint across that she was serious, but it wasn't until the British ship, Horngarth, that anyone had actually been killed. Tricked into thinking they were investigating a stricken ship – Felix had actually used a smoke generator – the captured Horngarth had refused to stop broadcasting a distress signal. A single shot took out the radio but unfortunately killed the operator. Felix von Luckner, though, gave the man a full military funeral at sea and even went as far as to write the poor man's family telling them that he had died with honor.

To give you even more evidence that Felix von Luckner more than deserved the "benevolent" in his "Benevolent Sea-Devil" nickname he treated everyone he captured with dignity and respect: captured sailors were paid for their time while on his ship and officers ate with him at his captain's table. When the Seeadler got too packed with prisoners, by this time more than 300, Felix captured the Cambronne, a little French ship, cut down her masts and let all his prisoners go with the understanding that if they happened to get picked up before making land they wouldn't tell where the Seeadler was going. Respecting Felix's honor they didn't.

Alas, the Seeadler's rule of the Atlantic had to end sometime – but even that just adds to the broad, wild, and utterly amazing life of Felix von Luckner. With the British – and now the Americans – hot on her tail, Felix decided to take a quick barnacle-scraping break from piracy by putting the Seeadler into a bay on Mopelia, a tiny coral atoll. Now stories here conflict a bit – Felix always claimed that a rogue tsunami was to blame – but I think the more-standard explanation that the crew and prisoners of the Sealer were simply having a picnic on the island when their windjammer drifted aground.

Taking a few of his men in some long boats, Felix sailed off towards Fiji intending to steal a ship and come back for the Seeadler. Through a series of incredible adventures – including claiming to be Dutch-Americans crossing the Atlantic on a bet – the Sea-Devil was himself tricked into surrendering by the Fijian police who threatened, after becoming suspicious of one of Felix's stories, to sink his boat with an actually-unarmed ferry. By the way, the remaining crew and prisoners of the Seeadler had their own adventures, leading eventually to the escape of the prisoners and the capturing of the Seeadler's crew.

But even a Chilean prison camp wasn't the end for Felix, or not quite the end. Using the cover of putting on a Christmas play, he and several other prisoners managed to steal the warden's motorboat and then seize a merchant ship. Alas, Felix's luck ran out when they were captured again and spent the rest of the war being moved from one camp to another.

But rest assured the story doesn't end there. Far from it: after writing a book about his various adventures, Felix von Luckner toured the world entertaining audiences about the Seeadler – as well as demonstrating his strength by tearing phone books in half and bending coins between thumb and forefinger.

While, with the rise of Hitler, some people thought of Felix as a apologist, the captain had no love for the Nazi's – especially since the German government had frozen his assets when he refused to renounce the honorary citizenships and honors he'd received during his travels.

But the story of Felix von Luckner still isn't over. Retiring to the German town of Halle, he was asked by the mayor to negotiate the town's surrender to the Americans. While he did this, earning not only the respect of the Americans and the gratitude of the citizens, his reward from the Nazi's was to be sentenced to death. Luckily, Felix managed to flee to Sweden where he lived until passing away at the age of 84.

War is horror, war is pointless death, and war is needless suffering. But because of men like Felix von Luckner, war can also show the good, noble side of man – and that some men can remarkably earn the respect of friend and enemy alike.

Pornotopia - The Introduction ... By Dossie Easton!

Here's another tasty thing from my very-tasty book of sexy non-fiction pieces, Pornotopia: the very special intro from the (you guessed it) very tasty Dossie Easton, the author of The Ethical Slut and other great books. 


Dear Reader:

Do not be misled by the lighthearted title of M Christian's collection of essays on the many faces of sex.  Pornotopia offers a cornucopic abundance of practical information you can put to use in your sex life, along with philosophical musings and fascinating insights from the author's decades-long career as a sex educator and, I assume (reading between the lines), a thoughtful and creative lover.  Christian, the staggeringly prolific author of much truly baroque erotica, now shares his thoughts and his expertise. Herein you will find clearly delineated how-to and even clearer how-not-to instructions to support your own sexual explorations: elucidation of common myths and uncommon realities, and some delightful side trips into humor and fantasy.  Christian writes in a straightforward and friendly voice - sort of like the big brother you wished you had when you were first pondering these mysteries.

Pornotopia may sound like a purely fantastic world, but Christian's utopia is based on the practical building blocks that support a happy and expansive sex life.  Whatever utopia you dream about, here are the tools to bring your fantasies into reality "with the soft applause of butterflies." His writing style flows easily, I found myself following smoothly from one idea to another, thinking things like "Yeah, that's just right," and "What a good idea!" and "Hooray! it's great to see that ugly myth squarely debunked."

Always sex-positive and always sympathetic to our dreams and our demons, in Pornotopia M Christian has given us an informative, entertaining and, oh, yes, very sexy read.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Dark Roasted M.Christian


Unless you were asleep during the 1980s you should immediately recognize this six-sided, six-colored puzzle.  Created by Hungarian sculptor and professor of architecture ErnÅ‘ Rubik in 1974, his cube soon spread across the globe: entertaining – but more than likely frustrating -- over 350 million people

Just to get the obvious out of the way, the current world record for solving one of Rubik's cubes is a fraction over 7 seconds (yes, you may gasp) which is held by Erik Akkersdijk.  But there are also mind-boggling records for, of all things, blindfolded puzzle solving (Haiyan Zhuang: 30.94 seconds), solving with feet (Anssi Vanhala: 36.72 seconds), and even one-handed solutions (Piotr Alexandrowicz: 11.19 seconds).

The smallest, yet playable, cube is a 3x3 one – meaning it has only 9 faces on a side – measuring a painfully miniscule 12 millimeters.



On the other ends of the scale, the largest playable cube was built by Daniel Urlings, and is big enough to contain 64 regular cubes.   Daniel is a bit of a legend among cube fanciers as he also has created fully functional cubes out of cardboard and even matchsticks.



Still talking about records, the most expensive cube created is called the Masterpiece Cube, assembled by Diamond Cutters International back in 1995.  Made of gold, amethyst, rubies, and emeralds this completely playable puzzle has been priced at around 1.5 million bucks – probably more if you can actually solve the thing.



And here, in a very charitable gesture, is a version of the puzzle designed for the sight-impaired: a Braille Cube.  Because, after all, why should the sighted have all the 'fun' of being driven nearly mad by a Rubik's Cube?

But there's another puzzling quality to Professor Rubik's creation: that his mind-bending creation is also a source of astounding inspiration for artists, engineers and even chefs.

Yes, you read that last one right.  Skeptical?  Well, take a look at this Rubik-inspired culinary creation: a cubic sandwich!  Please refrain from jokes about 'square meals' until the end of the article.

But cubes aren’t just the subject of art but can be just as a medium to create wonderfully pixilated masterpieces.  This cute little dragon, for instance, was created by some anonymous Parisian artist out of cubes and stuck some ten feet off the ground.  



And here are some more examples of using the already-digital boldness of the legendary cube to create some marvelous, almost 8-bit, creations.

But getting back to the biggest, but still talking about using the puzzle as the medium in incredible artistic creation, we come to the works of the aptly-named Cube Works Studio, who haven't just created cube-portraits of Marilyn, Warhol's famous tomato soup can, David Bowie, and Van Gogh's Starry Night, Chairman Mao, da Vinci's Last Supper, and many others but with their recreation of Michelangelo's Creation of Man they are now the Guinness Record holders for the largest artwork ever created using Rubik's Cubes.



What's not puzzling about their creation is its brilliance, though if to create it -- and all of their artwork – means that they had to configure each cube to make the right colors and patterns you have to wonder how long it takes them to solve a regular cube ... no doubt far faster, and more artistically, than any of us could.

Saturday, October 09, 2010

HOW TO SELL YOUR EROTICA - WAS A BLAST!


Bravo to the fantastic Jean Marie Stine at Renaissance/Sizzler Books who put on the absolutely great How To Sell Your Erotica event at the Center For Sex and Culture last night. I know everyone on the panel - Gina de Vries, Donna George Storey, and Blake C. Aarens - had a great time and I hope the great folks in the audience did as well.  Stay tuned for more events with Sizzler in the near future!

Dark Roasted Biscotti

Here's another of my takes on doing a Biscotti for the always-wonderful Dark Roasted Blend.  I have to say these are a real kick and a treat to put together!

Friday, October 08, 2010

How To Wonderfully WriteSex (7)

Check it out: my new post at the fantastic WriteSex site just went up. Here's a tease (for the rest you'll have to go to the site):


“The shock of September 11 is subsiding. Each day adds distance. Distance diminishes fear. Cautiously our lives are returning to normal. But “normal” will never be the same again. We have seen the enemy and the enemy is among us …. the publishers, producers, peddlers and purveyors of pornography.”

It didn’t take me long to find that quote. It came from an LDS Web site, Meridian Magazine, but I could have picked fifty others. In light of that kind of hatred, I think it’s time to have a chat about what it can mean to … well, do what we do.

We write pornography. Say it with me: por-nog-ra-phy. Not erotica – a word too many writers use to distance themselves, or even elevate themselves, from the down and dirty stuff on most adult bookstore shelves – but smut, filth … and so forth.

I’ve mentioned before how it’s dangerous to draw a line in the sand, putting fellow writers on the side of smut and others in erotica. The Supreme Court couldn’t decide where to scrawl that mark – what chance do we have?

[MORE]

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Dark Roasted Biscotti

Groovy!  Avi, of Dark Roasted Blend, has asked me to help with his very-fun Biscotti's posts: an assortment of wild, weird, and wonderful images and other things - and my very first one just went up.  Check it out here and stay tuned for more in the future.

Dr. Dick Talks To Me (Part 2)

Check it out, friends: the great Dr. Dick just posted the second part of his interview with yers-truly up on his site.  It was a real delight to do and, hopefully, for you to listen to. 

My little gray cells are all aflutter, because the extremely talented author, editor and teacher, M. Christian is back with us for another edition of The Erotic Mind podcast series.
But wait, you didn’t miss Part 1 of our conversation that appeared here last week at this time, did you? Well don’t worry if ya did, because you can find it and all my podcasts in the Podcast Archive right here on my site. Look for the site’s search function in the header, type in Podcast #231 and Voilà! But don’t forget the #sign when you do your search.
M. Christian and I discuss:
  • Being a private person with a big reputation;
  • The pride he has in his work;
  • What sparks the erotic imagery in his work;
  • The role of imagination and the awareness of human behavior in his creations;
  • Writing for male and female audiences;
  • The plot arc — does it mirror the sexual response cycle;
  • Being compelled to write and being turned on to create;
  • Topics he gravitates toward and topics he avoids;
  • What he looks for in the erotica of others.
As a special treat, M. Christian will share another a delectable morsel of the fruit of his Erotic Mind. You do not want miss this, people!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Pornotopia - Out Now!

Remember how I mentioned that a book of my sexual how-to and other fun articles was coming out?  Well, folks, it's here from the great folks at Xcite books.  How cool is that?

More on this book a little later but just wanted to let everyone know that it's out and available. 


Here's a brief about the book:
Have Your Ever – 

• Wanted to know how to give ideal cunnilingus? 

• Pondered the sexy history of pirates? 

• Needed to know how to give the best blowjob in the world? 

• Wondered how to put some sexy spice into your Halloween? 

• Fancied a few tips on how to ideally, and sensually, play with nipples and breasts? 

• Been curious about the very-kinky sex lives of famous people? 

Then Pornotopia is the book for you! Abundantly irreverent, totally bizarre, and relentlessly fun, Pornotopia will explore the mechanics of everything from giving the perfect blow-job to becoming a master of cunnilingus, from how to give a wonderful caning session to learning how to treat (and sexually mistreat) breasts and nipples, as well as a wide – and witty – assortment of essays and articles about sexy fashion disasters, historical personages of unusual gender, and even the sexual history of pirates and Japanese Samurai! 

Internationally renowned erotica author and sex educator, M. Christian has navigated the sticky, sweaty, steamy and (best of all) fun world of sex to bring to readers both novices as well as the experienced to bring all kinds of playful, and essential, information to light. Even the most jaded of sexual player will find something in Pornotopia – and for the brand-new at sex play Pornotopia will be become an essential resource.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Dark Roasted M.Christian

Check it out: a brand new Dark Roasted Blend piece I did just went up: this time about some really interesting plants - with very interesting diets.


You have to admit, it does make a kind of twisted sense: After all, we've been feasting on their fibrous, nutrition-packed stems, leaves, tubers, and fruits since we began to actually eat the salad that came with our steaks so, naturally, there must have been a certain ... well, 'desire' for reciprocity. In other words if we eat them why shouldn't they want to eat us?

For all you geeks out there – and, yes, we know who you are – it's commonly thought that the first depiction of a salad making a meal out of a man comes from Dr. Carl Liche, writing in 1881. J.W. Buel echoed the idea in his Land and Sea in 1887. Unluckily for Liche and Buel they've been since exposed as 'imaginative' instead of 'accurate.' Hate to disappoint but true man-eating plants are a total myth.

But that doesn't mean that the next time you sit down to feast on a supposedly defenseless potato there aren't other forms of plant life that are also having a tasty meal of, while not us humans, then most definitely other animals – and sometimes rather large animals.

The poster-plant for botanical carnivores has got to be the legendary Venus Flytrap. A resident of swamps and bogs, the flytrap has evolved a dramatic solution to its lack-of-nutrient diet: it catches flies – and pretty much anything big enough to get caught. What's amazing about this plant is its mechanism. Anything that happens to stumble between the two halves of its unique mechanism will find itself in caught in a quickly-snapping-shut botanical bear trap. What's even worse is that after being caught the Venus then fuses those leaves together, turning them into a kind of stomach to digest its prey. What's extra-fascinating is that the trap has two triggers, and that both of them have to be tripped for the leaves to snap shut, to avoid misfires.


While the flytrap looks like something out of a monster movie it rarely grows to any really impressive size – unless you happen to be a housefly. But one carnivorous plant that really is impressive, and recently discovered, is what's called a passive hunter. Instead of using snapping traps its family instead has evolved fluid filled pitfalls lined with very slippery sides, and baited with a very alluring perfume.

Pitcher plants come in a wide variety of shapes, types, and sizes – including a special one native to the Philippines. Most pitchers feast on bugs and sometimes small lizards: pretty much whatever's unfortunate enough to get seduced by the plant's alluring smells and is small enough to fit down its leafy throat. While its mechanism is similar to its smaller kin, nepenthes attenboroughii (named after journalist and TV presenter David Attenborough), has traps that are large enough to catch not only bugs, lizards, and – what's more than a bit scary – rats.

Another device carnivorous plants use is to make its prey stick around long enough to be digested. The sundew, for instance, has leaves covered with dozens of tiny stalks, and each stalk is covered with very, very, very sticky stuff. When a bug happens to walk across these leaves it gets – you guessed it – very, very, very stuck. What's more, though, is that the plant then contracts, bringing more and more of those stalks into contact with its prey, completely trapping and then digesting it.


While there are other plants that can, and do, eat whatever they can catch there is at least other plant that deserves at least a mention and one very special one that seems to be the best candidate for what could be a real maneater.

There are lots of things the very versatile bamboo is known for: building material, food, and everything betwixt and between. What's not as commonly known is that the bamboo is a botanical racehorse. Got a spare day to kill and want to see the fastest plant in the world grow two feet (in the right soil on the right day)? Then plop your behind down and stare at some bamboo. Okay, it might not be THAT thrilling but it is a plant that you can actually watch grow – which, no matter how you slice it, is pretty impressive.

But then there's the other, the monster, the beast, the chlorophyll creature that could – if any plant could be – considered a bona fide killer. Innocently imported to the US in 1876 from its native Japan, it was sold as a botanical miracle: ink, paper, jelly, tea, you name it and you could make it from this wonderful plant. But what no one could expect that this so-called marvel would have darker roots.

Kudzu is its name and right now it covers – in some cases quite literally – a huge part of the Southeastern United States. While bamboo is a racehorse at two foot a day, Kudzu is hardly a slacker at covering half that distance in the same amount of time. In the South there are homes, cars, houses and entire communities that have been hungrily, potentially, covered – and subsequently strangled – by this ferociously determined plant.

Sure, kudzu may not be carnivorous, but it's green infestation, it's emerald conquest, it's verdant domination is definitely worth a mention – and maybe a serious shudder of fear. Or, as they sometime say in the South: "A cow won't eat kudzu, but kudzu will definitely eat a cow."

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Zee Likes "Beep" From Rude Mechanicals

This just keeps getting better and better! Not only did the great Zee write a sweet review for "I Am Jo's Vibrator," and "Blow Up" but she just did a review for yet another story from my Rude Mechanicals collection: "Beep!" Yer the best, Zee!



M. Christian does it again with another fantastic short story from Rude Mechanicals. This title is worth buying for Blow Up alone, but Beep makes this even more worth the purchase!

Imagine you are a man walking through a doorway, peeling off the layers from the day, and hitting the play button on your answering machine. There is a Beep! and you hear a woman’s voice. She is calling you a slut! She accuses you of being a bad boy in need of punishment. Through a series of back-to-back messages, all preceded by a Beep!, this woman tells you in detail how she will punish you. Listening to each recorded message, you begin to sense her power, her control, and her dominatrix ways of punishment. What’s a man to do beside listen to each and every erotic message?!

I will admit that M. Christian completely surprised me with the ending (I’ll let ya’ll read about that!). I never saw it coming. I really like two things about M. Christian’s writing style.

(1) He is diverse. He can write a BDSM short like Beep, a sexually humorous piece like I Am Jo’s Vibrator, and a fetish short like Blow Up in the blink of an eye.

(2) His writing style conveys sexually explicit details, but it is never vulgar. He really knows how to keep his work tasteful.

Absolutely worth the purchase ladies! I highly recommend Rude Mechanicals.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

E.H. Likes Best S/M Erotica Vol. 3

With an extremely heartfelt thanks out to my great pal Jude Mason (who made this happen), here's a great review for Best S/M Erotica Vol 3 by E.H. on the Books N' More site. Thanks, Jude!


With a tag line of “Still More Extreme Stories of Still More Extreme Sex”, I opened the cover of BEST S&M III with a little bit of trepidation. Can you imagine me being a little nervy about delving into a book – well I was.

I was and for two reason, firstly I was not sure if I would appreciate the stories within this anthology, I like BDSM, to be honest I love it – but not the really psychological end of BDSM and from all indication this was going to be that kind of book. Secondly it’s sad to say but the visual person in me was Meh about the cover – once again I am let down by this cover artist and publishing house not taking the chance to do something unique with a cover to draw readers to a book – this was definately a missed opportunity – because the book was good.

[MORE]

Dr. Dick Talks To Me

Now this is VERY cool: the wonderful Dr. Dick and I had a great, two part, chat about all kinds of stuff, from me being a literary streetwalker with a heart of gold to playing with identity and much more! The first part just went up - and part two will be going live in a week or so.

Holy Cow, we’re on the cusp of another change in the seasons. Where does the time go? Happy Autumnal Equinox, northern hemisphere folks! And happy Vernal Equinox, southern hemisphere folks!

I don’t know about you but I’ve like totally jonesin’ for another fix of The Erotic Mind podcast series. It’s seems like it’s been ages since the episode. We had such an exciting summer of shows that took us pretty far a field from where the series started. We visited with an artist who creates her erotica with the spoke word; one that creates his erotica with photography and rope; and another artist who creates her erotica with her own body through burlesque.

But today we return to home base and visit with an artist who creates his erotica with the written word. I have the pleasure of introducing you to the enormously talented author and editor, M. Christian. He is probably the most prolific author we’ve met to date. And besides his big fat uncut writing talent, he is also a sheer joy to chat with.

As a special treat, M. Christian will share a mouth-watering selection of the fruit of his Erotic Mind. You do not want miss this, people!

[MORE]

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Ralph Greco Talks To Me

This is just too damned cool! My great/fantastic/amazing friend Ralph Greco Jr (with his equally wonderful friend Tom) sat down with me while I was in Jersey for the Floating World convention to chat about writing and other fun things - an interview that just went up on the EdenFantasies site. Thanks, Ralph!

San Francisco writer/editor/anthologist M. Christian has had erotic stories appear in every “best of” erotic anthology series you can name; Best American Erotica, Best Lesbian Erotica, Best Gay Erotica, as well as in 300 other anthologies and magazines. He has published best-selling short story collections, such as Dirty Words, Speaking Parts, and Filthy (with more to come), plus his novels Running Dry, The Very Bloody Marys and The Painted Doll, to name just a few. He is also an accomplished anthologist, having edited more than 20 books, including The Mammoth Book of Future Cops, More Extreme Stories about Extreme Sex, Vol. 2, and the just released Best S&M III. Christian’s work often crosses genre, mixing as he does sci-fi and horror with erotica as well as “straight” humor and mystery.

Editing the wickedly popular Frequently Felt, his author’s site, www.mchristian.com, as well as working as the associate editor for Renaissance eBooks, M. Christian is a busy man indeed. I was lucky to score some time with him during the recent New Jersey-based “Floating World” convention. This annual event boasts both professional “scene-sters,” organizers, writers, teachers, and folk from every conceivable walk of life and kink, who attend classes all weekend and play in a well-appointed dungeon at the convention center all night. It was really the perfect milieu to have this popular kinky scribe de-scribe the ins and outs of the adult fiction writing business, and to once and for all get to the bottom of that big question…

Porn versus erotica, what’s the difference?
You know I’m not sure there really is a difference; I certainly don’t like to use the labels. Sometimes you’ll find erotic writers saying: “I don’t write porn, I wrote erotica,” but I feel if you start saying that then people are going to start drawing lines, and there isn’t a line. It’s almost like we use one term to elevate over the other. We’re still talking about stories that are about sex, right? It’s all erotica. I just like to generically use the word erotica and use pornography as the keyword of the industry… Like the Supreme Court justice said…I know it when I see it.

[MORE]

Zee Likes "Blow Up" From Rude Mechanicals

This is so sweet! Zee previously reviewed my story "I Am Jo's Vibrator" and also just reviewed "Blow Up" from Rude Mechanicals. Thanks so much, Zee!

I am thrilled to tell ya’ll that M. Christian is an absolute sweetheart. After my review of I Am Jo’s Vibrator, he so kindly sent me Rude Mechanicals. Isn’t this cover insane! I’m sure ya’ll know about my love of the short story, and I must say that M. Christian is a phenomenal short story writer. It really takes talent and a keen eye to compact essential details into only a few pages! I am truly excited to read and share all of the shorts with ya, but today I will just be talking about the first short: Blow Up.

To be completely honest, Blow Up is laugh-out-loud hilarious as well as sensual and erotic. Blow Up is about a man with a fetish for… a blow up ball. Picture an exercise ball, but smaller. Written in the first person, we get to travel with our man to the local Toys R Us to purchase his plastic ball, and then travel back to his house where he decribes his prep for and execution of his next orgasm.

I made the mistake of reading this short at work. My cubicle-mates were definitely looking at me when I would shriek with laughter one minute then have my mouth drop the next minute. I find his fetish so amusing because I know there is someone out there in the world who really does this! What I like best is how M. Christian’s writing style reminded me of reading someone else’s diary, peeking into their most secret habits, truly being a fly on the wall.

Well done! M. Christian. I can’t wait to dig in to the rest of your shorts, and I will never see a plastic ball the same way again! :) If you want a sneak peak, read an excerpt here!

A VERY Special Event: Sizzler Presents How To Sell Your Erotica


This is going to be WONDERFUL! If you live in the Bay Area here's a chance to attend the end-all, be-all, event on selling erotica:

HOW TO SELL YOUR EROTICA
(and More Than Double Your Income from Each Piece You Write)

Friday, October 8 2010 7:30pm – 10:00pm
Center for Sex and Culture, 1519 Mission Street @ S. Van Ness, 2nd fl.
Suggested donation: $5-$15
All proceeds go to the Center for Sex and Culture

Are you writing erotica? Do you write for yourself? Do you write for publication? Or, have dreamed of erotica, but haven't yet started?

Whatever you are writing, personal experiences, short stories, novels, you will learn about where you can sell your work and how to go about it.

Join a panel of five editors, anthologists, and published authors who will share practical tips and personal insights. You will learn:

Where you can sell your work
*Magazines
*Websites
*Anthologies
* Book publishers

How to
* use the key elements that make an erotic story sell?
* think sexy and cultivate your erotic imagination
* write plots and characgters that turn readers on
* put the right dash of sex in a sex story
* write convincing stories for sexual orientation and interests beyond your own
* find the best internet resources for writers of erotica
* get along with editors and publishers
* respond to fans, reviewers and criticism
* avoid the four taboo sex acts no one will publish
* boost your income on books
* triple your income or more on short pieces

Panelists:

Jean Marie Stine, author, former magazine editor, and publisher of ebook pioneer Sizzler Editions, which has more than 800 erotic novels and collections for available download at Amazon, Barnes& Nobel, etc., and has and recently began to publish erotica in paperback.

M. Christian, writer and anthologist who has sold over 300 short stories, five novels and edited over two dozen anthologies.

Gina de Vries’ writings about sex have appeared dozens of anthologies and publications, including Curve, On Our Backs, Femmethology, Tough Girls 2, Dirty Girls, and Coming & Crying.

Donna George Storey is a writing and book promotion columnist and the author of two books and over a hundred stories and articles in such places as Penthouse, Best American Erotica, and Best Women’s Erotica.

Plus other panelists to be announced.

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Dark Roasted M.Christian

Check it out: a brand new Dark Roasted Blend piece I did just went up: this time about very weird, very wild, and very essential fungi (which, if you know anything about me, is a little too close to home).


Let's play a game: animal, mineral, or vegetable?

The answer? Two out of three. Ladies and gentlemen: the wonderful, and let's not forget weird, world of fungi.

But first a ridiculously quick science lesson, and an explanation for the opening above: scientists consider fungi to be part of a separate and unique kingdom, in that they aren't plants and they're not animals -- so they really are two out of three.

It's this 'not one and not the other' that make fungi wonderfully – and somewhat disturbing – to study. At their most identifiable they an fundamental part of our diet: buttons, portobellos, shitakes, oysters, morels, chanterelles, and more – including the expensive yet ubiquitous truffle. But fungi are also essential to make many of our foods ... well, food: without them we wouldn't have cheese, beer, wine, bread and too many others to name. If that isn't impressive enough, our odd not-quite-an-animal, not-quite-a-plant, is also indispensable to medicine: penicillin, the cornerstone of antibiotics, was mold found in a Petri dish, after all. In fact some experts claim that if anything were to happen to our fungal friends humanity would be, at worst, extinct, or at best, pretty miserable.


But mushrooms and yeasts and molds are only the public face of the fungal world. Beyond beer, wine, cheese, and medicine there's a stranger side – in fact a rainbow of oddness. Mushrooms, you may think, are brown or white, right? But fungi can also be spectacularly colorful: the Parrot Waxcap is as green as grass, the Crimson Waxy Cap is sunset crimson, and the Slimy Spike-cap is even bright purple. There are even varieties of mushroom that aren't just colorful but actually glow in the dark: Omphalotus olearius, the Jack o' Lantern, for example, is a celebrated bioluminescent fungus, as is the Australian ghost fungus.

Even when fungi are brown and dull appearances can be deceiving: the aptly named stinkhorn, for example, produces the aroma of rotting meat to attract flies, which help the mushroom spread its spores. Speaking of spore-spreading, the puffball mushroom and its various relations do it in a very dramatic fashion, quite literally shooting their spawn into the air when touched.

But for all their color and their clever tricks, fungi have an even odder side, one that might make you look at that blue cheese in your sandwich, or that beer you were planning to have with lunch, a little differently – if not with out-and-out fear.

Sure, fungi have given us much but they can also take it away, and not just for people who mistake an amanita phalloides for an amanita caesarea: Cryptococcus gattii, though rare, is alarmingly fatal and is airborne. How fatal? Well, it's considered to be one of – if not the – most lethal fungal infections you can get. There are other deadly fungi, and as most of them are extremely opportunistic and durable, they can spread wildly and are all but impossible to kill. Just think athlete's foot mixed with a rattlesnake.


It's fungi's ability to grow just about anywhere that makes it so amazing. If you name a hostile environment there's more than likely some form of mushroom or yeast that will not only grow there but prefer it over anywhere else. An extreme version of this is when researchers stuck their instruments into one of the most poisonous places on earth and found not only a species of mushroom growing there but one that actually appears to be feeding on the toxicity. How nasty is this place? Well, all you need to say is one word to shudder at the thought: Chernobyl.

But strangeness and fungi don't end with radiation-feasting mushrooms, for there are quite a number of them that feast on other things -- including animals. Nematophagous fungi, for instance, grow miniscule rings that, if a nematode happens to squirm into one, rapidly contract, trapping the unfortunate lunch ... I mean 'worm.' If this makes you a bit nervous take a bit of consolation in that the popular oyster mushroom is also a nematode killer – and it's also tasty, so while it eats them we also eat it.

But eating isn't the only dark thing fungi do. One particular species has an extremely disturbing lifecycle – and a terrifying one ... if you happen to be an ant. Ophiocordyceps unilateralis, if it gets half a chance, will infect an ant and (ahem) eat parts of its brain, causing the poor little insect to basically become the walking dead The fungus finishes it off only after it clamps itself to the underside of a leaf, just where the fungus wants it to die – a location that works really well for the fungi, but definitely not the ant.

Yes, they have given us much: all those mushrooms and other amazing fungi. Without them we would have very bland food, let alone no booze, and would probably die a lot quicker without antibiotics. Some of them are as pretty as flowers, a few may be deadly to the unlucky or the tragically ignorant, while further species lurk in the soil for the unwary nematode, but – basically – they have been our friends for a very long time.

Besides, we'd better watch our step: while the jury is out on the subject, many experts point to a certain forest in Oregon. What's special about this hunk of land, that particular stand of trees? Well, the honey mushroom that lives there, and occupies over 2,200 acres of that forest, may very well be the largest organism on the earth.

So we had better treat them well -- all those wondrous fungi -- just in case that they, or just that single huge mushroom, should wake up and remind us of all they've done for us ... or could do to us.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

A Great Pirate Tale


If you're looking for Yo Ho Ho inspiration I highly recommend the LibriVox reading of Rafael Sabatini's Captain Blood. Just click here and be prepared for wonderful presentation of a classic pirate story. Now go shiver your or timbers or something ...

"I remember a time of chaos. Ruined dreams. This wasted land. But most of all, I remember the Road Warrior."

Never mind Burning Man - this is where I'm going.

Bachelor Machine: The NEW Edition!


This is GREAT news! I am extra-pleased and extra-proud to announce the release of a brand-new edition of my celebrated science fiction erotica collection, The Bachelor Machine, by the legendary Cecilia Tan's Circlet Press. While I put together a formal press release check out the book on the Circlet site as well as on amazon.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Angela Caperton Likes Coming Together Presents M. Christian

... and the WOWs keep coming! The great Angela Caperton just sent me this very sweet review of my collection Coming Together Presents M. Christian (a special project where the proceeds are being donated to Planned Parenthood). Thanks so much, Angela!
I have a confession: I am the world’s slowest reader. I know readers who can plow through several hundred pages in a couple days. Talk to me in a month or more.

But there is a reason for my plodding pace. I don’t read. I digest.

Thoroughly.

I hang on word choice, structure, lyrical sentences. Plot and character are sacred to me, and if a story doesn’t convert me immediately, it had better redeem itself quickly.

M. Christian’s erotica is a sumptuous feast I will gladly enjoy again.

In Coming Together Presents: M. Christian, I found stories – some previously published, others new to print – that kept me filled, kept me coming back for more – and kept me guessing!

M. Christian doesn’t shy from sensitive subjects in his stories, and in this collection dives headlong into issues of body image, selfishness, couples on the edge, one great story of a raunchy breakup that was totally hot, and does all this while taking us to the past, living in the now, and hurtling us beyond the stars – and constantly wrapping the stories in the tendrils of relationship and sex.

Several of the selections have stayed with me. In “Missing Alice” I was completely drawn into the description of Alice’s vivacious personality, her freedom of style, and the void her absence causes the narrator. I especially loved M. Christian’s authentic portrayal of how we change, how relationships evolve, and how a wild child might one day be the couch potato you can’t live without.

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Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Lisabet Sarai Likes Love Without Gun Control

Wow ... and I mean WOW: check out this wonderful review of my science fiction/fantasy and horror collection Love Without Gun Control (from the always-great Renaissance/PageTurner Books) by Lisabet Sarai:

I know M.Christian primarily as an author of erotica—an astonishingly versatile writer who swings from gay to lesbian, from contemporary to science fiction, from cyberpunk to humor, without missing a beat. Anyone who's not familiar with his energy and creativity in the erotic realm should get a copy of Coming Together Presents M. Christian (and support Planned Parenthood at the same time). Until he sent me a copy of his new collection Love Without Gun Control, I didn't fully appreciate the darker side of his imagination.

The title story of this collection paints a hilarious but nevertheless chilling picture of a society in which everyone carries and uses deadly weapons—all the time. He cleverly spins out the implications of such a scenario, in particular the difficulties it poses for lovers.

Equally funny, grotesque and scary is “Buried & Dead”, a tale of political ambition amid the zombie apocalypse, overflowing with rotting flesh and dangling entrails. “Constantine in Love”, the impeccably satirical final tale in the collection, will also make you laugh, though not without a grimace, as the unflappable Constantine Foote, polymath, wine connoisseur, seducer and con artist, desperately chases the woman of his dreams.

These are the lighter tales. Most of the other stories in Love Without Gun Control will leave you queasy, terrified, or both. “Needle Taste” portrays a bleak future in which a vicious serial killer has the mass appeal of a rock star. “Hush Hush” unfolds like a nightmare in the narrow alleys of Beijing, as an adventurer watches one person after another being robbed of speech. In “Wanderlust”, a man cursed by a jealous goddess is forced to live out his days driving his Mustang from one lonely gas station to the next. “Shallow Fathoms” is pure horror, fueled by the repulsive fascination of madness. “Nothing So Dangerous” builds an intricately detailed dystopia of universal surveillance and arbitrary detention, in which trust is the most perilous thing of all.

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Wonderful Time At Floating World

Sadly, Floating World is now but a memory ... but WHAT a memory: I had a total, complete, and utter blast. Major kudos to the great folks who put on such a magnificent event (I'm especially looking at YOU, Corey).

Thanks to all the folks to attended my stuff (MAGIC WORDS: USING EROTIC WRITING TO EXPLORE YOUR HIDDEN SEXUALITY AND SPIRITUALITY; IMPACT PLAY BEYOND FLOGGERS AND CANE; SEX SELLS: HOW TO WRITE & SELL EROTIC; and the author reading). I hope you all had a good time!

It was an extra thrill to meet folks I hadn't seen in ages, like Laura Antoniou, Cecilia Tan, Karen Taylor, Lori, Ralph Greco, and so many others -- and to make great new friends like Tom, and the extra-special Loren.

I can't wait for next year!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

How To Wonderfully WriteSex (6)

Check it out: my new post at the fantastic WriteSex site just went up. Here's a tease (for the rest you'll have to go to the site):


Other writers get it, of course: romance writers live in rosy castles and have crinoline dreams; science fiction authors are pasty-faced nerds with more love for science than humanity; horror pros keep bodies in their basement for research.

It’s natural for people to think that because you write smut … well, it’s pretty obvious that they think: thin, greasy mustaches, seedy domains, hacks, perverts – the clichés pop immediately to mind. But what’s really interesting is that this isn’t the toughest of occupational hazards for the erotica writer. After all, life is full of surprises: the romance author is a cynical young guy, the science fiction writer can’t balance his checkbook, the horror fan loves Fred Astaire movies, and the erotica writer is just doing a job.

Who cares what other people think: it’s what’s inside you that counts – and what’s inside erotica can be very unusual, sometimes almost traumatic.

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More Floating World Fun

I can't begin to tell you how thrilled I am to have been invited to the Floating World Convention! For all you attendees here's the final list of what I'll be teaching/attending and when:

MAGIC WORDS: USING EROTIC WRITING TO EXPLORE YOUR HIDDEN SEXUALITY AND SPIRITUALITY
(Fri 1130am-1pm)

There are many ways to reach your inner sexual and spiritual self -- but one of the most surprisingly powerful paths is through the written word. In this lecture/workshop, participants will hear how erotic writing (fiction as well non-fiction) can reach hidden places that often lay unexposed, help make personal discoveries and to assist in a personal journey of self and sensuality. Participants will learn how to free their erotic writing voices, how to develop their writing towards discovering their erotic spirits within, and when to silence -- and when to listen -- to the inner critic.

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IMPACT PLAY BEYOND FLOGGERS AND CANES

(Fri 9:00 – 10:30pm)


Join this workshop to receive hands-on instruction in a variety of different impact techniques and styles including hands, paddles, crops, batons, quirts, and more. While the physics of these toys – and many others – is basically the same, to use each one effectively takes particular skills and techniques that are not immediately apparent. Participants will learn not only how to inflict the most please and pain but also how to use each item, and more, without hurting the wield-er as well as the wield-ee.

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SEX SELLS: HOW TO WRITE & SELL EROTICA

(Sat 1:30-3:00pm)


The market for erotic fiction and nonfiction is booming! There actually is a secret to writing great erotica - and you'll discover just what that is in this fun, hands-on workshop with well-known erotica writer and teacher M. Christian.

For the beginning writer, erotica can be the ideal place to begin writing, getting published, and -- best of all -- earning money. And for the experienced writer, erotica can be an excellent way to beef up your resume and hone your writing skills. M. Christian will review the varieties of personal and literary expression possible in this exciting and expanding field. He'll also teach you techniques for creating love and sex scenes that sizzle.

Plus: current pay rates, how to write for a wide variety of erotic genres, from magazines to websites, where and how to submit your erotic writing, and more.

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AUTHOR READING:
(Sat 7:00PM – 8:30PM)

Join me, Sassafras Lowrey, Cecilia Tan, Xan West, Laura Antoinou and Batsheva for a author kinky-as-only-kinky-can-do reading event. It was be a blast and a half!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Sharazade Likes Best SM Erotica Vol. 3

This is real sweet: Sharazade - who chatted with me a few weeks back - has just posted this great review for Best S/M Erotica Vol. 3. I don't want to gush too much about this so you'll just have to click here to read the whole wonderful thing (okay, I gushed a tiny bit).

It’s a little strange that I bought myself a copy of Best S & M III: Still More Stories of Still More Extreme Sex (published by Logical Lust, 2010), and that is because of its title. “Best” is fine, and “III” sounds good, but to be honest, S & M (sadism & masochism) really isn’t my thing. I have no objections to it, on either side, it just doesn’t hold any strong personal interest.

Just to be sure, I checked a dictionary. This definition is for the term sadomasochism, but you could divide it easily enough: The combination of sadism and masochism, in particular the deriving of pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting or submitting to physical or emotional abuse. Well, there you go. “Abuse” does not sound appealing to me.

So why buy a whole anthology of it? Well… it was a loaf I bought for one slice. For about a year, I’ve been following the blog of a writer called Oatmeal Girl. Her blog is largely personal reflections, with some poetry and a little fiction. And I just love her writing (even though, yes, she does write a lot about sadism, and masochism… but in a way I like, somehow….). She’d never published offline before, though. So when I saw an announcement on her blog that she had a story coming out in print, I wanted it!

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