Well, the really-great Shilo just posted an old classic of mine, "I Masturbate," on her site as the final part of her awe-inspiring project of the same name. I'm posting a taste of it below but for the rest you need to go to her site ... and be sure and check out the rest of the great series. Thanks, Shilo!
Here we have a final adieu to National Masturbation Month 2011. I'm pleased to offer a guest post by my friend M. Christian. It was the title of this piece of writing that inspired me to name my month of masturbation photos "I masturbate..."
Thanks to everyone who helped to make "I masturbate..." such a success. I can't wait for May 2012!
Sure, I masturbate. Yeah, I jerk off. Damned straight, I yank it, pull it, stroke it, rub it, and jerk it. Lube, soap, shampoo or split. Left hand, right hand, frotage (look it up), other’s hands, sheets, and gizmos (manual, electric, and even diesel). Like it, love it--do it a lot.
Let’s get this straight--we all do it. Sure, yeah, right: “not me” someone says. Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. We all do it. Nuns do it, dogs do it, cats do it, bees do it, Newt Gingrich and Jessie Helms do it (god, what a thought!). You say you don’t do it, you mean it when you say you don’t do it. Well, who leaves the wet spot on the bed, a topless Tinkerbell?
I masturbate. Come on, let’s say it together, enunciate those syllables: “I” --rounding chorus of self identification. Come on, belt that fucker out--“I”--mean it now, say it true--“Mast-ur-bate.”
I masturbate. He masturbates. She masturbates. They masturbate. We all masturbate. That out of the way? Breathing maybe a bit easier now? Let me tell you this, the old cliché of imagining folks in their underwear has zilch over thinking of all of you sitting there rubbing stroking, jacking, jilling yourselves into a grazed euphoria of self-love. Makes saying that I do it real easy.