Me2 - THE NEW EDITION!

(From M. Christian's Queer Imaginings)

The horror ... the horror, I tell you ... about that impostor "M.Christian" knowns no bounds!

Believe it or not, there's a brand new - and in many ways improved - edition of Me2 out there now by Renaissance E Books/Sizzler Editions!

You owe it to all that is right and true in this universe to buy it right now - if just to see how poorly this other "M.Christian" imitates me!

From the Sizzler Blog:

Sizzler is extremely pleased and proud to be able to announce the re-release of M. Christian's extremely controversial queer horror/thriller novel, Me2 ... though there is some doubt that the author is actually another M. Christian...

"Absolutely brilliant!" says Lisabet Sarai, author of Incognito and Fire, about M. Christian's controversial manlove male horror/thriller.  

He looks just like you.  He acts exactly like you.  He takes away your job.  He steals your friends.  He seduces your lover. None of them can tell the difference. Every day he becomes more and more like you, pushing you out of your own life, taking away what was yours … until there’s nothing left.  Where did he come from?  Robot?  Alien?  Clone?  Doppelganger?  Evil twin?  Long lost brother?  How do you know that you are the real you? And how to you fight back to reclaim your life?   

A fascinating novel of identity, Me2 is a groundbreaking manlove chiller you’ll remember for a long time – no matter who you are, or who you think you may be.  

(Despite rumors that this book was written by an impostor - but, rest assured, this is the real 'M. Christian.'  Accept no substitutes!) 

MORE ABOUT THIS BOOK: 

Me2 is a unique and always entertaining fable-novel about what exactly identity may entail and how we may or may not decide whether it's worth the price of keeping it.
- Felice Picano, author of Art & Sex in Greenwich Village 

M. Christian has a delightful, marvelously twisted way with words which cause his narratives to crawl beneath your skin and fester there, making you go back for more. He writes with a strong, unique voice which is not only entertaining but also makes you think, makes you ponder the improbable. You'll think you've read this delicious, fast-paced story, but did you? Or was it you?
- Mari Adkins contributing editor, Apex Science Fiction and Horror Digest 

"With delicious slyness, M. Christian creates a world in which the familiar becomes sinister and the comfort of daily routine is replaced by a growing sense of dread. His modern parable lays bare the all-too-real dangers inherent in the sacrifice of individuality in the pursuit of cultural homogenization."
- Michael Thomas Ford, author of Full Circle and Changing Tides

You are a fluke of the universe

(from Meine Kleine Fabrik)



Deteriorata

(You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.)

Go placidly amidst the noise and waste, and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.

Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires.

Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself; and heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.

Know what to kiss - and when.

Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do.

Wherever possible, put people on hold.

Be comforted, that in the face of all irridity and disillusionment, and despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer maintenance.

(You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.)

Remember the Pueblo.

Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.

Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI.

Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with those persons closest to you... That lemon on your left, for instance.

Be assured that a walk through the seas of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet.

Fall not in love, therefore, it will stick to your face.

Gracefully surrender the things of youth: the birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan - and let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

Hire people with hooks.

For a good time, call 606-4311, ask for Ken.

Take heart in the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese.

And reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee.

(You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.)

Therefore, make peace with your god, whatever you perceive him to be: hairy thunderer or cosmic muffin.

With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate. GIVE UP!

(You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.)

Horrible Histories (Via the BBC)

(from Meine Kleine Fabrik)

Yet More Philosophy

 

Kathleen Bradean Loves The Very Bloody Marys

(via M. Christian's Queer Imaginings)

Thank you, Kathleen, for this wonderful review of The Very Bloody Marys!

I've been indulging in a M. Christian reading binge lately. I finished his vampire tale, Running Dry (very good), and then slipped right into The Very Bloody Marys, his newest vampire story.

Valentino is a 200-year old rookie vampire cop who is fated to spend eternity as the screw-up assistant to undead drill sergeant cop and all around bastard, Pogue. That is, until Pogue mysteriously disappears. The powers (of the night) want Valentino to find Pogue and stop a rogue band of vampires who call themselves the Very Bloody Marys. The only problem is that Valentino has no clue what he's doing. He stumbles around San Francisco, making an unholy mess of the case, while sinister otherwordly beings manipulate him into doing their bidding. Valentino isn't as hopeless as he thinks he is though, and manages to find out what happened to his mentor, figure out who the real bad guy is, and take down the Very Bloody Marys.

The Very Bloody Marys isn't a story about being a vampire (although that's part of it). It's a good-ole gumshoe novel, a mystery with enough twists to keep me guessing and page-turning action. The characters were so original that it never felt like a rehash of vampire legend (thank god!). And the best part - this book supplied enough of a taste of otherworld San Francisco to pique my interest, but left me wanting more. Hopefully, M. Christian will do me a favor write another one. Soon.

Supporting Pussy Riot By Stephen Fry

(via M.Christian's Queer Imaginings)

Supporting Pussy Riot - from Stephen Fry's Blog

Dear Maria, Nadezhda and Ekaterina, 

I can’t imagine how you are feeling at the moment as you begin the astoundingly unfair and disproportionate prison sentence that has been handed out to you. 

It might cheer you to know that so many people around the world are thinking of you and doing what they can, through Amnesty International and other bodies, to see if your sentence can’t be reduced, commuted or suspended. 

It has been a confusing time for me, as I have watched the arguments ebb and flow on Twitter and in the bars and cafés of London. Some feel that what you did was blasphemous (blasphemy has been well described as a victimless crime, but if it is against the law in your country as it was in mine in my lifetime, then some penalty might be expected) and some believe that it was a tasteless, immature and trashy protest for which they can offer no sympathy. I have read your closing statement, Ekaterina, (http://boingboing.net/2012/08/11/pussy-riots- closing-statemen.html and http://nplusonemag.com/pussy-riot-closing- statements) and I know that despite Pussy Riot’s “punk” affect and ethos, which can put some people off, that you are highly intelligent, educated and articulate people who knew exactly what you were doing and had good reason for it. Your argument was not with the religious, or with Christianity, but with Putinist croneyism within the ranks of the Orthodox Church, especially this particular building, the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour. 

But most sensible people, whether they are Christian or not and even if they are blind or deaf to the statement there for all to read in the links above, can surely see that a long pre-trial period in gaol followed by such a severe sentence which unashamedly announced that it was given not according to strict law, but in order to “send out a message” is not just in any state that claims to be a fair free democracy. 

I write this as an unashamed Russophile. I find it so hard to bear that the country of Tchaikovsky is allowing a toxic mixture of shaven-headed nationalists and fundamentalist churchmen to dictate laws on homosexuality for example. Part of your “crime” was to come out on the side of gay rights. It astonishes me how the history of Russia seems to repeat itself. Pushkin was sent into exile by an offended Tsar. Dostoevsky was taken to a firing squad and only reprieved at the last minute before being exiled too. And then in the Communist era, as we all know, artists, writers, intellectuals and liberals of all kinds were under constant threat of exile, forced labour or even execution. Now we seem to be moving towards a similar position. I am not saying, and nor would you claim, that you are the equal of Pushkin or Dostoevsky, but that isn’t the point. The fight is for free speech, and this isn’t limited only to gigantic towering titans of literature. 

Some cynics (and believe me, my country is stuffed with them) will ask why I am not writing to those imprisoned in Iran or China. Well, I have the faint, perhaps forlorn, hope, that Russia and its leader might be faintly more persuadable. I know how much he and his followers hate being “lectured” by western liberals, but the fact is I find it impossible to be silent in the face of such monstrous injustice and preposterous tyranny. And that’s the point. Putin hasn’t made a monster of himself. He has made a fool of himself. It is often said that had the world laughed at Hitler early enough he would never have taken the hold on power he did. I do not call Putin a Hitler. Yet. But it is time to laugh him out of this stance and you out of incarceration. 

Stephen 

This letter was first sent to Amnesty International for publication on their website.

Cuisine and Crime Solving: I Want To Belong To The The Vidocq Society!

(from Meine Kleine Fabrik)

Sherlock Holmes, Hercule Poirot, Kojack, those guys from CSI, they are all brilliant minds on their own, but what if they all got together to solve the toughest criminal cases in history? They’d have a much better chance of success, at least in theory. That’s what the Vidocq Society is all about, bringing together the most brilliant minds in criminology and trying to get to the bottom of hundreds of thousands of unsolved cases. Once a month, the members of this 20-year-old exclusive club assemble in an old Victorian dining room, to enjoy fine cuisine and talk about unsolved murders. As their motto (Cuisine and Crime Solving) suggests, crime is always on the menu at Vidocq Society meetings. On the third Thursday of every month, some of the world’s greatest crime specialists meet up in Philadelphia to try and solve some of the toughest murder cases in history, over a delicious lunch. This is the Vidocq Society. 

Photo: Paris Match 

The mysterious crime-solving club was named after Eugene Francois Vidocq, an 18th century crook-turned-crime-fighter, considered to be the father of modern criminology and the world’s first private detective. William Fleisher, Richard Walter and Frank Bender, the three founding members of the Vidocq Society, began gathering experts in criminology in 1990, and now the club numbers 82 retired cops, ex-FBI agents, profilers, coroners and even a psychic, from 17 American states and 11 countries across the globe. On their monthly meeting, they all brainstorm to try and solve cold cases, and many times these last chance detectives manage to bring peace to families of victims whose killers were never caught. 

Photo: Wikileaks News 

Vidocq Society gatherings start off like a normal lunch, only some of the members go easy on the food, knowing that after coffee they’ll be treated to some horrific crime scene photos. One of the club’s founding members admits that at first, their only purpose was to get together over lunch and just enjoy themselves. But after one of them was asked to speak at a conference in Texas organised by parents of murdered children, they decided to change the purpose of their little secret society and try to solve cases for people who are hurting. And that’s exactly what they have been doing. The Vidocq Society reckons it has helped solve around 300 murders, and provided valuable information to official investigators on about 90% of the cases presented before its members. 

The Vidocq Society invites criminal detectives from all over the United States to present their cold cases in hopes of gaining new insights that might eventually help solve them. In most cases, they leave impressed by the members knowledge and expert opinions, and with plenty of valuable information. 

If you want to learn more about the fascinating Vidocq Society, you can visit their official site or read Michael Capuzzo’s book, The Murder Room. He spent three years with the members of this unique group and documented some of the cases the society has worked on during that period. 

The Vidocq Society – Solving Tough Murder Cases Over Lunch was originally posted at OddityCentral.com

RIP William Windom

(from Meine Kleine Fabrik)

Very sad news: I just heard that the wonderful actor William Windom passed away.  In his memory here is a brief piecce I posted about his work on one of my favorite TV shows of all time: My World and Welcome to It 



From Wikipedia:

My World and Welcome to It was a US-made half-hour sitcom based on the humor and cartoons of James Thurber (1894-1961). It starred William Windom as John Monroe, a Thurber-like writer and cartoonist who works for a magazine that closely resembles The New Yorker, called The Manhattanite. Wry, fanciful and curmudgeonly, Monroe observes and comments on life, to the bemusement of his rather sensible wife Ellen (Joan Hotchkis) and intelligent, questioning daughter Lydia (Lisa Gerritsen). Monroe's frequent daydreams and fantasies are usually based on Thurber material. My World — And Welcome To It (note slight variation from television title) is the name of a book of illustrated stories and essays, also by James Thurber.
The television series ran just one season, 1969-1970. It was created by Melville Shavelson, who wrote and directed the pilot episode and was one of the show's principal writers. Sheldon Leonard was executive producer. Another of the show's producers, Danny Arnold, co-wrote or directed numerous episodes, and even appeared as Santa Claus in "Rally Round the Flag." 

Most episodes open with Monroe arriving in front of the house from the Thurber cartoon "Home," which in the original cartoon has a woman's face on one side of it. In the show the house is initially house-shaped. The woman's face is often animated to appear, as Ellen says something to John. The "Home" house, without the face, is used as an establishing shot throughout the episodes. Other Thurber cartoons are similarly animated over the course of the series, sometimes in the opening sequence, sometimes later in the episode. The episode "Cristabel" begins with Monroe lying on top of a cartoon doghouse, a reference to the non-Thurber cartoon character Snoopy. The animation for the series was by DePatie-Freleng Enterprises. 

 Live action adaptations of Thurber's writing are another show staple. For example, "Rally Round the Flag," in which Monroe purchases a very large flag as a gift, is loosely based on a Thurber piece called "There's a Time for Flags." An incident with a policeman in "Christabel" is an almost verbatim transcription of the Thurber story "The Topaz Cufflinks Mystery". Fables for Our Time is another source, as when John Monroe sees a unicorn in the back yard, a reference to "The Unicorn in the Garden." Many of the episode titles are taken from Thurber's Fables for Our Time (e.g., "The Shrike and the Chipmunks") and other writings ("Rules for a Happy Marriage" and many more).

Aside from his obvious resemblance to Thurber himself, John Monroe is based on one of Thurber's characters, who appeared in several short stories including "Mr. Monroe Holds the Fort" and "The Monroes Find a Terminal." Monroe and his family first came to television in a 1959 Alcoa Theatre/Goodyear Theatre production called "Cristabel (The Secret Life of John Monroe)", also written by Melville Shavelson. The dog Cristabel was named after a dog Thurber gave to his daughter.

- this show is also a testament to the wonderfulness of my beloved Jill as she gave me a holiday present of the entire series. She could make even notorious curmudgeons like John Monroe, James Thurber, and I smile sweetly.

I hate waiting

My Name Is Satan By Stephen Lynch

Dirty Words - Coming Soon In A New Edition

(from M.Christian's Queer Imaginings)

This is great news: the wonderful Renaissance E Books/Sizzler Editions will be re-printing - very, very soon - my Lammy-finalist queer erotic collection Dirty Words. Stay tuned for more info, but here's what people have said about the book:

I like M. Christian. Yes sireee. But up until now his punchy fiction has been laid on my lap drop by drop through various anthologies that have come my way. Once you’ve licked up one of his short stories, you’re left with a bitter sweet taste in your mouth that has you sniffling the air for more. 

Dipping into his erotic prose is like being doused with a bucket of icy cold water on a sticky Summer’s day. It’s a sense awakening experience, which enlivens and sweeps you away in the same narrative breath. It’s dark, it’s dangerous, it’s horny, it’s mouthwatering, it’s witty and it’s sharp. 

Read my lips: Read this book.
- Skin Two 

#

Calling Dirty Words "provocative erotica" is like calling an orgasm "a pleasant sensation." M. Christian doesn't just peek over the edge; he grabs you and jumps and tells you a story all the way down, a story so strange and wonderful and deeply disturbing that you almost forget you're falling. You just hope you have time to find out how it ends before you hit bottom. It never ends the way you think it will. 

M. Christian is that rarest of literary birds, a virtuoso stylist. Oh, I could rhapsodize about his tricolons, his parallel constructions, the noir beat of his prose rhythm. I could revel in the slow roll of his vowels, the crack of his consonants, and yes, even his assonance. But what it all means is that he reads like a dream. You can't open Dirty Words without finding a beautiful sentence. 

To get the most out of M. Christian's haunting mix of rapture and horror, exaltation and degradation, love of language and lust for flesh, read him out loud. If you have someone to read him out loud to, someone who knows that the best porn is also art, you're both very lucky.
- Clean Sheets

#

As it is with anything (food, art, clothing, fill in the blanks), taste in literature is nothing if not subjective. When it comes to erotica, it is doubly so. There are some writers who, through the sheer brilliance of their work, transcend the boundaries of taste and genre in a way that appears almost effortless. 

M. Christian is one of those. 

Dirty Words, is a challenging and thoroughly enjoyable collection of short stories, all of which incorporates sex - and its peripheral issues - within their scope. Despite the common theme, the stories featured in the book cover a wide spectrum in terms of subject matter. 

M. Christian is a writer who doesn't force the reader to labor through overblown descriptions or struggle with metaphors that don't quite 'click'. Rather, his language is so carefully chosen that it comes across as an untailored stream of consciousness: offhand, easily and very, very honest. It is the kind of writing that makes the process of reading seem unnecessary - the ideas simply exist on the page like surprises, waiting to be experienced. 

I strongly recommend you experience Dirty Words by M. Christian for yourself
- Outlooks  

# 

Part folklore, part pornography, part horror, part brutal romance - and all erotically kick-ass. Dirty Words takes readers in a tour of 14 contorted mental interiors and labyrinthine psychic dungeons inhabiting M. Christian's mind. This is not a collection of short stories where the music swells and the camera pans to clouds passing the bedroom window on a moonlit night. 

Smart, hot, and vorpal-blade sharp, Dirty Words is perfect reading for those who love their sex fantasies in-you-face and are unafraid of a little blood
- AVN Inprint

Thanks -

-to all the great folks who came to my Polyamory: How To Love Many And Well class I taught last night in San Francisco ... and if you want to take the same class just stay tuned for my New York itinerary (coming very soon).

In the meantime, here's what the class was - and will be - about:

Polyamory: How To Love Many And Well

Sure, you've heard of it – and maybe have been intrigued by it – but what is polyamory and how do you love more than one person and make it work? How can you deal with jealousy, time-management, emotional rough patches, and more to enter into multiple sexual relationships? In this class, participants will learn to separate the myths from the realities of polyamory, how to make tentative steps towards having more than one partner, and how to approach and deal with the problems of sharing yourself with others, and being involved with someone who, in turn, is involved with someone else. Included in this class will be simple emotional exercises, true life experiences, unique techniques and innovative approaches to understanding the joys – and the risks – of beginning, or entering into, a polyamorous relationship.

Praise for M.Christian's Very Bloody Marys

(via M. Christian's Queer Imaginings)

Here's a very nice round-up of some of the very flattering praise my queer horror/humor vampire novel, The Very Bloody Marys, has gotten - out now in a new edition from Renaissance E Books/Sizzler Sizzler Editions.

Kit O'Connell:

It’s no secret that M. Christian and I are friends. I’ve introduced one of his books and we’ve guest blogged for each other too. So even if I’m not the most unbiased critic, I still like to highlight interesting books I read from time to time even if they are by friends of mine.
One of Chris’ many recurring themes are alternate visions of the police. One of the characters in his wonderfully weird novel near-future novel Finger’s Breadth is a freelance officer who receives his orders and files reports via a distributed police ap on his smartphone. “Bluebelle” in The Bachelor Machine explores a future cop’s intimate relationship with his police vehicle, and Christian even co-edited the anthology Future Cops. 

The most recent book I read by him is The Very Bloody Marys. Like Finger’s Breadth, it takes place in an alternate San Francisco but creatures of the night. Our hero is Valentino, a young gay vampire so uncertain of his place in the world that he can’t even decide how to start telling his story at the beginning of the book, so he begins again 2 or 3 times. Somehow, despite his Lestat-like confidence or prowess, he’s been selected to join an undead police force charged with maintaining the secrecy of the undead and the weird. 

Here, Valentino laments his own impending doom after his superior officer disappears: 

Two hundred years. It’d been a good run. Lots of … well, there’d been blood of course. Moons. Stars. Rain. Fog. Hiding, too: all-night movie theaters, bars, discos, stables, warehouses, churches, a few synagogues (even a mosque or two) [...] Lots of … I was going to say friends but, to be honest, the nightlife might be advantageous to boogying but doesn’t make for long-term relationships. Some back-alley assignations, sticky stuff in my mouth or pants; not blood, or at least not up until a few years ago. 

Two hundred sure sounds like a lot, but … the time just seemed to have hopped, skipped and jumped by. Never skied, never sailed, never surfed, never had two guys at once [...] What surprised me the most, though, was what I wanted more: orchids, bow ties, potato salad, string, oil or watercolor, hooks and line, two of everything. 

The book has a breezy, playful noir style which would make it perfect summer reading. Though it doesn’t have the usual romance (though it has a handful of interesting unrequited ones), I found it especially interesting as a queer take on the torrid vampires-and-werewolves subgenre of urban fantasy.

Dru Pagliassotti, The Harrow:

Zombie taxi drivers, golems of Abraham Lincoln, a four-star restaurant in the city morgue, vampires, warlocks, fairies, ghouls, and angelic apparitions: they're all denizens of The Castro's other night-life, and Valentino must bluster his way through them as he hunts for a murderous faery, his missing dickwad of a commanding officer, and — of course — the pretty and ruthless Very Bloody Marys. 

M. Christian has created a character with an unforgettable, if unceasing, narrative voice, an amusing and cliche-busting antidote to the overpopulated literary ranks of hardboiled vampire detectives. The world of Le Conseil Carmin, where vampires literally work for Blood Money and protect humanity from creatures much worse than themselves, is well-wrought; the plot twists, although initially baffling, all get satisfactorily straightened out; and Valentino, a less-than-enthusiastic member of Le Corps Policier Contre, has a self-conscious charm that will appeal to a broad spectrum of readers. 

Fresh, quirky, and irreverent, The Very Blood Marys is a vampire novel for readers who've become bored with vampires.

Mari Adkins, Apex Science Fiction:

The Very Bloody Marys isn't so much a vampire novel--the vampires are far and away from Bram Stoker, and I'm glad for that--as it is a good, old-fashioned mystery. I hate be cliché and say "This book is a classic page-turner," but it is! The plot is quick-paced, and Valentino is as sexy as he is funny. The story is packed with a full, colorful cast of characters ranging from vampires, ghouls, and faeries. Oh, and a zombie or two. If you're hungry for a different kind of vampire book, don't miss this one!

Steve Williams, Muse Review:

Deftly, M. Christian has created a novel that is, in fact, a coming of age story in a sugary horror coating. Valentino goes through trials, such as confronting three Marys on Vespors, getting attacked by a pissed off Irish Faery called Liam - I kid you not - and having to contend with a chauffer called Mariah - please, God, let Mariah Carey play him in the movie, a zombie in drag, and she could warble all she'd like off camera just as long as, for those few seconds, she shuts the hell up (like her songs though!) - who is less than forthcoming when it comes to information or help of any kind. And so, time after time, Valentino must battle forces he has... well... to say he has no comprehension of wouldn't be quite fair. It's rather like giving an infant a blow torch and not expecting him to roast his little apple cheeks off (I'm suddenly quite hungy. Mutilation, even joking, shouldn't do that to a man). 

Needless to say, there's a fair amount of swearing, some getting spanked with chains and a dollop of hard ass domineering, but you'll have to wait and see if Valintino, our underdog (who, incase anybody does want to make a film of this, I think I look quite like; hollywood, call me) makes it through this ... well, not alive... but... as dead as he was before... I guess. 

M. Christian's writing really sparkles here, and his wit is obvious, and never labored. There's a lot to love, amongst characters like a talking cat addicted to cat nip, and a statue of Lincoln that is a wizard's personal butler. There were a few moments of perplexity on my part as I was reading through, but M. Christian does well in keeping you turning the page, and, whilst everything is tied up in the end rather niceley, this isn't forced and feels much better for it. In fact, I felt this one book would make an excellent start to a series, and I know I for one would be reading cover to cover. 

There was one issue I had. Oh God, what an issue. I mean, really, Valantino fancying Nicholas Cage... well, I suppose, if you're a walking corpse your taste would change somewhat... but I'll let M. Christian off on that score, because Very Bloody Marys is one of the most entertaining little novels I've read in a good long while, and it does, as they say, exactly what it says on the tin.

4 Muses Out of 5! ***This Weeks Recommended Read.

Out & About Magazine:

Don’t lock your doors – the thing that goes bump in the night is back—and he’s hot! 

M. Christian, the best-selling author of Running Dry, has set out to curl your toes and your eyelashes. The Very Bloody Marys is a rollicking noir that sets the hero, a slick gay vampire cop named Valentino, against a wandering gang of vamp twinks, a killer Tinkerbell, and a world wide council of vampires that would make the Vatican seem laid-back and jovial. 

Quick paced and full of eye-popping visuals, The Very Bloody Marys whisks down the plot-line at breakneck speeds, daring the reader to keep up. Back-story is held up to make way for the full throttle action that begins almost immediately, and once you’ve started the book, it may prove difficult to put down. 

Christian was written the quintessential noir mystery, using sex, the night and a barrage of interesting undead characters to tell a fun and captivating story. There are several references to Humphrey Bogart, and indeed, our gay Bogie is the perfect protagonist, even if he himself doesn’t buy it. 

Using all the right details, Christian has created a world that’s one part L.A. Confidential and two parts Tales of The City. The result is a sometimes hilarious, sometimes terrifying experience that will leave you thirsty for more.

Thomas Roche, ErosZine:

With The Very Bloody Marys, prolific writer and editor M. Christian, best known for his vast contribution to the erotica genre, turns his hand to the melding of the classic San Francisco crime-noir thriller (think The Maltese Falcon) and the steamy, sexy vampire-occult tale (think TV shows Angel or The Dresden Files, or Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake series of novels). That it is also an irreverent entry into the San Francisco canon of queer coming of age novels might be unexpected, given that its protagonist is a centuries-old vampire, but that aspect of The Very Bloody Marys is no less satisfying for the main character's age. 

Christian is known primarily as an erotica writer, or, more accurately, one of the most widely-published authors ever to assault carnal matters. With Marys, however, that fact is evident only in the briskness of his prose and the frankness with which he treats the dark, sleazy side of the city. Far from being an entry in Christian's mind-boggling output of boldly innovative, irreverently nasty erotica, The Very Bloody Marys is a tight genre thriller with a taste for the absurd and a dry wit. But it's also about coming of age; Valentino, as a centuries-old vamp, still has a lot to learn about being a cop, and when confronted with matters of the heart he's as arrested in his development, as vulnerable and at-risk, as any teenager lost in the byways of human relationships. 

Equal parts action and introspection, the 171-page thriller cooks along rapidly, following the formulas of the tried-and-true detective novel while at the same time slyly lampooning it. San Franciscans will recognize the details of their city, the smells and sounds of Fogtown after sunset. If you've walked those streets at midnight, you'll recognize them. If you never have, you'll want to book the next flight and maybe bring a cross and some holy water. 

Like all the best noir thrillers, Marys is about being apart, alone, isolated; it's about finding a way to bring evil to justice, even if that justice is uglier than the crime; and first and foremost it's about redemption, as Valentino struggles to find his place in the city's nightside and make things right, while keeping his skin. 

The Very Bloody Marys is a divine confection with a steaming load of pulpy goodness. It's also got its boots planted firmly in the noir tradition that crosses every sexual boundary in its search for right and wrong. And perhaps most importantly, or most immediately important, it's a deliciously enjoyable addition to three different, and too, too empty, bookshelves: queer vampires, queer noir, and late-night San Francisco adventure.

... and some short reviews:

M. Christian creates a variety of quirky characters from wizards to zombies to fairies, and the tone captures the feeling of a fast-paced horror movie, alternately funny and creepy.
- HorrorWorld 

Atmospherically potent and stylishly polished, Christian marries suspense, terror, black humour and romance intelligently and wittily making The Very Bloody Marys a smart and fun addition to the bloodsuckingly camp vampire genre.
- GayDar Nation

The Very Bloody Marys
Sizzler Editions
$7.99 (ebook edition, all formats)
ISBN: 9781615087792

Confessions Of A Literary Streetwalker: "Oh, how beautiful."

Check this out: I just wrote a brand new "Confessions Of A Literary Streetwalker" piece for the always-great Erotica Readers and Writers site - all my previous columns, of course, have been collected in How To Write And Sell Erotica by Renaissance Books.

Here's a tease:

Funny that these columns are called Confessions of a Literary Streetwalker because ... well, I have a confession to make. 

I'm very much on the fence about the whole thing, and am still dealing with doubts about whether or not I've made the right decision but - in the end - I think it will end up being a good thing.

I've joined Facebook.

I know, I know: I've been a rather vocal - if not strident - opponent of that particular corner of the social media universe, but a very good friend of mine pointed out that, to call down The Bard, I "doth protest too much."

It hasn't been easy: I tell ya, nothing like having a nearly (gasp) twenty year writing career resulting in only 433 'friends' and 68'likes' on my author page to really make the dreaded depression demon really flare up. 

But I'm sticking with it - not because I think that I have to, or that Facebook is the end-all, be-all solution to all my publicity needs - but because it was something I really, honestly, didn't want to do.

Obviously, explanations are in order.  See, I'm a firm believer in pushing yourself in all kinds of ways: as a person and, particularly, as a writer.  Sure, you have to like what you are doing - both in how you live your life as well as the words you put down on 'paper' - but growth comes not from comfort but from adversity, from challenge. 

I didn't set out to be an pornographer, but then an opportunity presented itself and (surprise!) I was actually pretty good at it.  I didn’t plan on being a 'gay' writer - because, no duh - I'm not, but (surprise!) I not just did it but came to really enjoy it.  I didn’t think I could be a teacher, but (surprise!) I've found that I really get a kick out of it.

I may have hated Facebook - hell, I still hate Facebook - but I had to at least try it.  Maybe it will work out, maybe it won't, but at least I'll have stretched myself.

For creative people of any ilk, that’s extremely important.  For one thing, it can keep your creativity rip-and-roaring, key to avoiding deathly boredom and staleness.  Professionally, it's essential: writing just what you want, what you’re comfortable with, can really limit where you can sell your work.  That you love to write, say, erotic romances is fine and dandy but if you do then there will only so many places to show off, or publish, your work. 

You want examples?  Fine: I'm now on Facebook – we’ve already discussed that uncomfortable fact - but since I've written quite a few queer novels I've decided that my next one is going to be (you ready for this?) straight - and not just straight but with a 'happy' ending.  My short story work, too, has a tendency to be, let's be honest here, bittersweet at best - so my next collection is going to be much more uplifting.  I've never written a play, so I'm planning on writing one sometime this year.  I've never written for comics - well, I wrote one - so I'm going to work on more.  Will these projects be tough?  Sure they will: but who knows what I may discover about myself and what I'm capable of?

Who knows, maybe even Facebook and I will become fast and good friends and will walk down the social media aisle together, skipping merrily and holding hands.

And if not ... well, I tried.  There is nothing wrong with giving something a shot but then deciding it's not for you.  Rejection, both internal as well as external, is part of a writer's life.  There's nothing wrong with it.  Trial and error is how we learn, how we grow. 

Writers far too often think that the 'names', the celebrities, the legends sat down and created wonders of the written word, masterpieces of story, with no trials and tribulations.  But - as I've said before - writers are liars and very few will admit that they might have been an overnight success ... after failing for decades. 

[MORE]

Yet More Philosophy

Be courageous

Recycling

Polyamory: How To Love Many And Well

Here's a chance to attend my (ahem) 'infamous' class on polyamory - at least if you live in the Bay Area...

But don't worry, I'll be teaching the same class in New York towards the end of September. Stay tuned for more info on that.

Polyamory: How To Love Many And Well

Thursday, August 16, 2012 · 8:00 PM –10:00 PM
SF Citadel Community Center
Cost: $20 at door

Sure, you've heard of it – and maybe have been intrigued by it – but what is polyamory and how do you love more than one person and make it work? How can you deal with jealousy, time-management, emotional rough patches, and more to enter into multiple sexual relationships? In this class, participants will learn to separate the myths from the realities of polyamory, how to make tentative steps towards having more than one partner, and how to approach and deal with the problems of sharing yourself with others, and being involved with someone who, in turn, is involved with someone else. Included in this class will be simple emotional exercises, true life experiences, unique techniques and innovative approaches to understanding the joys – and the risks – of beginning, or entering into, a polyamorous relationship.

#

M. Christian has been an active participant in the San Francisco BDSM scene since 1988, and has been a featured presenter at the Northwest Leather Celebration, smOdyssey, the Center For Sex and Culture, The National Sexuality Symposium, QSM, San Francisco Sex Information, The Citadel, The Looking Glass, The Society of Janus, The Floating World, Winter Solstice, and lots of other venues. He has taught classes on everything from impact play, tit torture, bondage, how to write and sell erotica, polyamory, cupping, caning, and basic SM safety.

M. Christian is also a recognized master of BDSM erotica with more than 400 stories in such anthologies as Best American Erotica, Best Gay Erotica, Best Lesbian Erotica, Best Bisexual Erotica, Best Fetish Erotica, and many other anthologies, magazines, and other sites; editor of 2t anthologies such as the Best S/M Erotica series, Pirate Booty, My Love For All That Is Bizarre: Sherlock Holmes Erotica, and more; the collections Dirty Words, The Bachelor Machine, Love Without Gun Control, Rude Mechanicals, and more; and the novels Running Dry, The Very Bloody Marys, Me2, Finger's Breadth, Brushes, and Painted Doll. His site is www.mchristian.com

Welcome to Weirdsville: Upside Down & Other Weird Houses

(from Meine Kleine Fabrik)

This is very, very cool: the wonderful Dark Roasted Blend just published a brand new piece of mine, about Upside Down and Other Weird Houses, and gave me a very nice plug for my book of od and unusual stuff - many previously published on Dark Roasted Blend!

M. Christian is also the author of "Welcome to Weirdsville": a wonderful compendium of interesting subjects and fascinating topics. This is a highly recommended book for all lovers of weird & wonderful this side of the Universe; order the Kindle edition here.

Here's a taste - for the rest just click over to Dark Roasted Blend

Upside Down and Other Weird Houses

"- And He Built a Crooked House -"

Emily Dickinson said it perfectly: "Where thou art, that is home." But some very creative people, have taken that idea to wonderful extremes by building homes that aren't just places to hang their hats but instead are wildly whimsical, fantastically fanciful, amazingly awesome, and occasionally brilliantly bizarre.



Tilted and Flipped!

As any artist knows, inspiration can come from anywhere and a few these unique builders and architects have been inspired by some very... tilted ideas. Take, for example, Daniel Czapiewski's home in the Polish town of Szymbark. No, you don’t need to turn your monitor upside down: Daniel's home is, indeed, topsy-turvy:



(images via 1, 2)

But Daniel is not the only builder with a unique perspective. In the German town of Trassenheide there's another home with a stand-on-your-head view:



This furniture does not seem to be very functional -


(images via 1)

Are we detecting a theme here? Billed as an "Amusement Park For The Mind," WonderWorks have flipped models of the White House, adding a new dimension to the currently weird political landscape, at various locations around the country:

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What did it take to be the most scandalous...

(from Frequently Felt)



(via blessedblackbeast)

What did it take to be the most scandalous performer in Weimar Berlin? ANITA BERBER (1899-1928) had a penchant for going out in public naked under her sable wrap, affairs with married women and judges, an enduring relationship with a mother-daughter team, and she flaunted her cocaine addiction. But none of these would have been remarkable in ’20s Berlin. Nor was it her dance titled “The Depraved Woman and the Hanged Man,” at the climax of which she was on her back lapping at the sperm of the executed man. It wasn’t even the pet monkey. I think the scandal was Berber’s unashamed glee at embodying every vice and dark kink in that city and era. She was not ashamed to be Berlin. Performance art, The Living Theater, Punk, club kids: New York’s downtown history plays out like one of Berber’s idle hash dreams.

Good Point

 

Yet More Philosophy

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."
— Albert Einstein

Think

Beware of Artists

Beware of Artists (Actual poster from the mid-50’s.)

Issued by Senator Joseph McCarthy at the height of the Red Scare and anti communist witch hunt in Washington. All artists were suspect.

Technorotica and Speaking Parts On Sexy Briefs

(re-posted from M.Christian's Technorotica)

This is very cool: the wonderful Tessie L'Amour of the Google Feed Sexy Briefs just posted not one, not two, but three (count 'em if you wanna) pieces about me, my work, my appearance in her great anthology project Sexy Briefs: Tasty Little Tails, and my cybersexy print book Technorotica: Stories Shattering the Ultimate Taboo and my cybersexy novel, Painted Doll.

Here's a tease of what she wrote - and you can read part one, part two, and part three of the posts as well.

M. Christian - Nighthawks - Post 1 of 3 

Our second author, +M. Christian, is an acknowledged master of erotica with more than 400 stories in such anthologies as Best American Erotica, Best Gay Erotica, Best Lesbian Erotica, Best Bisexual Erotica, Best Fetish Erotica, and many, many other anthologies, magazines, and Web sites. 

He is the editor of 25 anthologies including the Best S/M Erotica series, The Burning Pen, Guilty Pleasures, The Mammoth Book of Future Cops and The Mammoth Book of Tales of the Road (with Maxim Jakubowksi) and Confessions, Garden of Perverse, and Amazons (with Sage Vivant) as well as many others. 

For Sexy Briefs: Tasty Little Tails offers up a tantalizing story of two lonely souls in a late night coffee shop making their matching moves in a delicate dance of desire in Nighthwaks. You can download your own copy ofSexy Briefs: Tasty Little Tails free on Smashwords at http://bit.ly/TastySMSH, or for a low price on Amazon US http://amzn.to/TastyUS, Amazon UKhttp://amzn.to/TastyUK or Barnes & Noble http://bit.ly/TastyBN.

What's up -

- check out meine kleine fabrik for a piece from from my new book, Welcome to Weirdsville, on the crazy stuff that happened during an age when adding atomic energy to everything seemed like a good idea...

Over at M.Christian's Queer Imaginings there's a great review of Filthy (re-released by the great Sizzler as Filthy Boys) by Emily Veinglory.

And at M.Christian's Technorotica there's a sweet review of my collections The Bachelor Machine and Rude Mechanicals by Zee.

Sizzler's Fifty Shades Trailer

I'll never stop saying it: the folks at Sizzler Editions/Renaissance E Books are not just wonderful but wonderfully smart (and great to work for).  Just check out this video they just released:

Yet More Philosophy

So Bright The Vision?

(from M.Christian's Technorotica)

In Clifford D. Simak's short story, "So Bright The Vision," fiction writing has been replaced by machines called yarners - that chug out stories or books on demand. Well, someone's taken that idea into erotica with The Fifty Shades Generator - a site that will create pornographic passages in the style of ... well, you guessed it:

"The feeling of his man fat seeping down my throat got my fallopian fish stock flowing quicker than a greased weasel shit. The mixture of footlong fudge bullet and cock custard in my puckered brown eye created the delicious rectoplasm that he was so fond of. The seemingly neverending streams of penis pudding eminating from his throbbing quim dagger soon had me coated like a plasterer's radio. By now, my gashtray was leaching like a broken fridge freezer. Inserting a squash into my hot pocket got me spraying fallopian fish stock faster than a greased weasel shit."

Welcome to the world of tomorrow....

More Philosophy

Will Eisner And I?

As a long-time comics fan - and, if you remember, I even wrote one - this is extra-special: the great Renaissance E Books (who I'm an Associate Publisher for) has just stepped into graphic novels ... beginning by releasing classics like The Phantom Lady.

Well, one of the titles they also just released is a little-known treasure by the comic legend Will Eisner called The Flame - and guess who was asked to write the introduction?

Here's a tease of my intro - and here's where you can get this the fantastic new edition.

EISNER'S FLAME OF INSPIRATION

If you were to create a Mount Rushmore for comic creators they'd certainly be a lot of controversy on who to immortalize.  Alan Moore?  Winsor McCay?  Art Spiegelman?  Osamu Tezuka?  Robert Crumb?  But the one that everyone – and I mean everyone -- would agree should have his face etched in stone is Will Eisner.

To say that Will Eisner, famed for his groundbreaking noir creation The Spirit, made comics what they are today is like saying the sun is just that warm thing in the sky.  Born in Brooklyn in 1917, Eisner made his first tentative steps onto the comic book stage at 16 by sending his artwork, with prodding from Batman creator Bob Kane, to Wow, What A Magazine!

Back in the late-1930s comic books were still deciding what they were and where they were going – it was a real wild west for writers and artists, with publishers, editors, writers, artists, and characters coming and going almost daily.

It was during these crazy times that The Flame was created by Eisner and Lou Fine – another illustrious member of those Golden Years.  Their brainchild, first appeared in Wonderworld Comic #3, July 1939. The Flame was so popular the character soon graduated to his own comic – but, alas, it was snuffed out after only eight issues, going dark on January 1942, a victim not of a vividly costumed menace or even the Nazis, but of the publisher's bankruptcy.

While The Flame's run in the superhero game was a short one the comic still – excuse me – burns quite bright for its originality.  In fact, you could easily trace a lot of The Flame forward to many now legendary comic characters.

Just look at his origin story: poor little Gary Preston was the only survivor of a flood that killed his father, Charteris Preston – a missionary in China.  Little Preston was saved by a benevolent order of Tibetan monks who taught him the mysterious power of heat and fire.  Gary knew that power must be used for good and The Flame was born.

[MORE]

Yet More Philosophy

Amen!

Circlet Likes Technorotica

Very cool! If you head over to M.Christian's Technorotica you can see a very nice review of Technorotica: Stories Shattering the Ultimate Taboo by by Gayle C. Straun at the Circlet Press site

The Shout

One of my all-time favorite films...

Wiki:

The Shout is a 1978 British horror film directed by Jerzy Skolimowski, based on a short story by Robert Graves that was adapted for the screen by Michael Austin. The film was the first to be produced by Jeremy Thomas under his Recorded Picture Company banner.

[MORE] 

Updates and Fun Stuff

Lots of fun stuff going on, blog-wise:

Over at M.Christian's Queer Imaginings there's a review of my queer/horror/ humor vampire novel, The Very Bloody Marys, by Apex Science Fiction

At M.Christian's Technorotica there's In celebration of the release a teasing taste of "Everything But The Smell Of Lilies" from Betty Came: The Best Of M.Christian ... which also appears in my collection of cybersexy fiction, The Bachelor Machine

On meine kleine fabrik there's an article from my new book, Welcome To Weirdsville - about the wonderful (and often creepy) world of mushrooms

In the meantime, here's a pic of a new terrarium - which I had a real blast making in a class at Paxton's Gate over the weekend

Had a Blast!

Here's a heartfelt, hearty thanks to Carol Queen for her fantastic birthday bash.  It was a real treat to read and Carol - as always - was wonderful!

The Sex Scene

(youclevergirl)

Bravo!

Miyazaki

 

I am in SO Much Trouble

Christian pamphlet lists LSD, cyperpunk culture, vegetarianism, Burning Man, heavy metal, and dozens more as ‘doorways to demonic possession’ (Found at Stuff Fundies Like)

Justice - New Lands

Here's a very cool technophilic ad (cross-posted to M.Christian's Technorotica):

Be Yourself -

The Censor By Jean-Jacques Grandville

(oldbookillustrations)


The censor
Jean-Jacques Grandville, from Gravures (Engravings), 1880.
(Source: archive.org)

Out Now: The Very Bloody Marys by M. Christian

Sizzler Editions/Renaissance E Books is extremely pleased and proud to announce the re-release lof M. Christian's fantastic queer vampire horror/thriller/humor novel The Very Bloody Marys - you'll shiver, you'll laugh, and you certainly won't forget this book!

M. Christian's celebrated queer vampire adventure/thriller is back in a special new edition! Can San Francisco survive a marauding gang of Vespa-riding vampires? Before it's sucked dry, the city's only hope may be Valentino, who's only a trainee for the supernatural law enforcement agency, Le Counseil Carmin. Swept up in the whole blood-sucking business when his mentor goes missing, Valentino is called upon to deal with the menace of these "Bloody Marys." But Valentino soon realizes that, in order to dispose of the gang, he must go into areas he never dreamed of, deal with some very strange characters and learn the truth about the dark side of town.

"The Very Bloody Marys is a comic horror novel about vampires, ghouls, faeries, and the undead that move around after dark. Part chase, part gallows humor, and all shivery excitement, this new story from the wildly imaginative M. Christian is funny, frightening, and very entertaining.

"Valentino is a 200-year old rookie vampire cop who is fated to spend eternity as the screw-up assistant to undead drill sergeant cop and all around bastard, Pogue. That is, until Pogue mysteriously disappears. The powers (of the night) want Valentino to find Pogue and stop a rogue band of vampires who call themselves the Very Bloody Marys.
The only problem is that Valentino has no clue what he's doing. He stumbles around San Francisco, making an unholy mess of the case, while sinister otherwordly beings manipulate him into doing their bidding. Valentino isn't as hopeless as he thinks he is though, and manages to find out what happened to his mentor, figure out who the real bad guy is, and take down the Very Bloody Marys." - Kathleen Bradean

"If you’re looking for a good, fast paced read, or if you like mystery or fantasy or gay fiction. Or if you just want something different and new, this book will be as satisfying as a vampire’s first drink of blood." - Colleen Anderson

"M. Christian's writing really sparkles here, and his wit is obvious, and never labored. There's a lot to love, amongst characters like a talking cat addicted to cat nip, and a statue of Lincoln that is a wizard's personal butler. There were a few moments of perplexity on my part as I was reading through, but M. Christian does well in keeping you turning the page, and, whilst everything is tied up in the end rather niceley, this isn't forced and feels much better for it. In fact, I felt this one book would make an excellent start to a series, and I know I for one would be reading cover to cover." - Steve Williams

"M. Christian creates a variety of quirky characters from wizards to zombies to fairies, and the tone captures the feeling of a fast-paced horror movie, alternately funny and creepy." - HorrorWorld

"Atmospherically potent and stylishly polished, Christian marries suspense, terror, black humour and romance intelligently and wittily making The Very Bloody Marys a smart and fun addition to the bloodsuckingly camp vampire genre." - GayDar Nation

The Very Bloody Marys
Renaissance E Books/Sizzler Editions
ISBN: 9781615087792
$7.99

I'm Going To Be Reading -

- at Carol Queen's Birthday Bash!

Carol Queen’s B-Day Ho-Down!!
Friday, July 20, 7:30pm: A benefit for the Center for Sex & Culture

At The Make-Out Room, 3225 22nd. St.
$10-50 sliding scale 

Celebrating 55 somewhat long, often strange, and mostly sexy trips around the sun, Carol has asked many of her favorite performers to come out and entertain her — and YOU! On the bill so far we welcome: 

The burlesque stylings of Alexa von Kickinface
Literary chameleon M.Christian
The SO aptly-named Morgan’s Funny
Peripatetic genius Sadie Lune

Soon-to-be-ex-Bay Area treasure Beth Lisick (our loss is Brooklyn’s gain) 

The music & sheer stunning presence of the one and only cabaret star MegaFlame
More fabulous artistes still being added!

Plus we’ll pull some auction items together, or figure out some other way to win/buy/acquire fabulous stuff.

It’s Dr. Carol Queen’s Birthday month, which I always use for aCenter for Sex & Culture fund drive; can you contribute? It will culminate with a birthday show/fundraiser and shindig at the Make-Out Room on July 20, so please save the date. (Performers, I am still putting this together — let me know if you want to participate, I’ll see how many slots I still have to work with…!) 

CSC is working on a bare-bones budget these days, and has made many fabulous improvements to the space since we moved in, mostly via our own cash flow. We would like to retire our credit card debt this summer which was mainly associated with getting moved in, and your donations will go towards that purpose and toward bridging us over the always-lean month of August, when all y’all go wear peacock feathers on the playa. 

Checks here: 2261 Market St #455-A SF CA 94114 Credit card donations: Wads of cash can be stuffed into our pockets at any opportunity! And ANY amount helps us move this fabulous one-of-a-kind, all-volunteer, labor of sex-positive love into the future. We have people coming to enjoy our library now, and a pack of scholars coming next month to swarm the archives and extract bits of amazing info; we have the most wonderful volunteer staff and interns coming from all over, all because the Center for Sex & Culture EXISTS!
Please help us stay stable and able to provide space for all these amazing things we (and our communities) do. Pass this note on to others if you can. Wishing us all mondo pleasure! xox—CQ

Twice Upon A Time

- one of my favorite films.



Wikipedia:

Twice Upon a Time is a 1983 animated movie directed by John Korty and Charles Swenson. This film had an unusual history in terms of release and editing, but it has been named one of the most important films in the history of stop-motion animation.

[MORE] 

Cyndi Lauper Is Fantastic!

Cyndi Lauper Is Fantastic!

Cyndi Lauper Advocates for LGBT Homeless Youth:

Chicago Tribune-Health:

Cyndi Lauper has been singing about True Colors; since the 1980s, and these days she's speaking out for young people whose true colors have put them and their health at risk -- the thousands of young homosexual and transgender people who face the emotional and physical ordeal of homelessness.

And JUST Found This Cool -

- and very futuristic Absolut ad ... so I had to post it here and on Technorotica.

(oh, and check out QueerImaginings for another pre-re-release review of The Very Bloody Marys)

Stumbled Across This

-too true, too true...

Writers are forgetful,
but they remember everything.
They forget appointments and anniversaries,
but remember what you wore,
how you smelled,
on your first date…
They remember every story you’ve ever told them -
like ever,
but forget what you’ve just said.
They don’t remember to water the plants
or take out the trash,
but they don’t forget how
to make you laugh.

Writers are forgetful
because
they’re busy
remembering
the important things.