Sizzler Editions/Renaissance E Books is extremely pleased and proud to announce the re-release lof M. Christian's fantastic queer vampire horror/thriller/humor novel The Very Bloody Marys - you'll shiver, you'll laugh, and you certainly won't forget this book!
M. Christian's celebrated queer vampire adventure/thriller is back in a special new edition! Can San Francisco survive a marauding gang of Vespa-riding vampires? Before it's sucked dry, the city's only hope may be Valentino, who's only a trainee for the supernatural law enforcement agency, Le Counseil Carmin. Swept up in the whole blood-sucking business when his mentor goes missing, Valentino is called upon to deal with the menace of these "Bloody Marys." But Valentino soon realizes that, in order to dispose of the gang, he must go into areas he never dreamed of, deal with some very strange characters and learn the truth about the dark side of town.
"The Very Bloody Marys is a comic horror novel about vampires, ghouls, faeries, and the undead that move around after dark. Part chase, part gallows humor, and all shivery excitement, this new story from the wildly imaginative M. Christian is funny, frightening, and very entertaining.
"Valentino is a 200-year old rookie vampire cop who is fated to spend eternity as the screw-up assistant to undead drill sergeant cop and all around bastard, Pogue. That is, until Pogue mysteriously disappears. The powers (of the night) want Valentino to find Pogue and stop a rogue band of vampires who call themselves the Very Bloody Marys. The only problem is that Valentino has no clue what he's doing. He stumbles around San Francisco, making an unholy mess of the case, while sinister otherwordly beings manipulate him into doing their bidding. Valentino isn't as hopeless as he thinks he is though, and manages to find out what happened to his mentor, figure out who the real bad guy is, and take down the Very Bloody Marys." - Kathleen Bradean
"If you’re looking for a good, fast paced read, or if you like mystery or fantasy or gay fiction. Or if you just want something different and new, this book will be as satisfying as a vampire’s first drink of blood." - Colleen Anderson
"M. Christian's writing really sparkles here, and his wit is obvious, and never labored. There's a lot to love, amongst characters like a talking cat addicted to cat nip, and a statue of Lincoln that is a wizard's personal butler. There were a few moments of perplexity on my part as I was reading through, but M. Christian does well in keeping you turning the page, and, whilst everything is tied up in the end rather niceley, this isn't forced and feels much better for it. In fact, I felt this one book would make an excellent start to a series, and I know I for one would be reading cover to cover." - Steve Williams
"M. Christian creates a variety of quirky characters from wizards to zombies to fairies, and the tone captures the feeling of a fast-paced horror movie, alternately funny and creepy." - HorrorWorld
"Atmospherically potent and stylishly polished, Christian marries suspense, terror, black humour and romance intelligently and wittily making The Very Bloody Marys a smart and fun addition to the bloodsuckingly camp vampire genre." - GayDar Nation
The Very Bloody Marys
Renaissance E Books/Sizzler Editions
ISBN: 9781615087792
$7.99
Carol Queen’s B-Day Ho-Down!! Friday, July 20, 7:30pm: A benefit for the Center for Sex & Culture
At The Make-Out Room, 3225 22nd. St. $10-50 sliding scale
Celebrating 55 somewhat long, often strange, and mostly sexy trips around the sun, Carol has asked many of her favorite performers to come out and entertain her — and YOU! On the bill so far we welcome:
Soon-to-be-ex-Bay Area treasure Beth Lisick (our loss is Brooklyn’s gain)
The music & sheer stunning presence of the one and only cabaret star MegaFlame More fabulous artistes still being added!
Plus we’ll pull some auction items together, or figure out some other way to win/buy/acquire fabulous stuff.
It’s Dr. Carol Queen’s Birthday month, which I always use for aCenter for Sex & Culture fund drive; can you contribute? It will culminate with a birthday show/fundraiser and shindig at the Make-Out Room on July 20, so please save the date. (Performers, I am still putting this together — let me know if you want to participate, I’ll see how many slots I still have to work with…!)
CSC is working on a bare-bones budget these days, and has made many fabulous improvements to the space since we moved in, mostly via our own cash flow. We would like to retire our credit card debt this summer which was mainly associated with getting moved in, and your donations will go towards that purpose and toward bridging us over the always-lean month of August, when all y’all go wear peacock feathers on the playa.
Checks here: 2261 Market St #455-A SF CA 94114 Credit card donations: Wads of cash can be stuffed into our pockets at any opportunity! And ANY amount helps us move this fabulous one-of-a-kind, all-volunteer, labor of sex-positive love into the future. We have people coming to enjoy our library now, and a pack of scholars coming next month to swarm the archives and extract bits of amazing info; we have the most wonderful volunteer staff and interns coming from all over, all because the Center for Sex & Culture EXISTS! Please help us stay stable and able to provide space for all these amazing things we (and our communities) do. Pass this note on to others if you can. Wishing us all mondo pleasure! xox—CQ
Twice Upon a Time is a 1983 animated movie directed by John Korty and Charles Swenson. This film had an unusual history in terms of release and editing, but it has been named one of the most important films in the history of stop-motion animation.
Cyndi Lauper has been singing about True Colors; since the 1980s, and these days she's speaking out for young people whose true colors have put them and their health at risk -- the thousands of young homosexual and transgender people who face the emotional and physical ordeal of homelessness.
Writers are forgetful,
but they remember everything.
They forget appointments and anniversaries,
but remember what you wore,
how you smelled,
on your first date…
They remember every story you’ve ever told them -
like ever,
but forget what you’ve just said.
They don’t remember to water the plants
or take out the trash,
but they don’t forget how
to make you laugh.
Writers are forgetful
because
they’re busy
remembering
the important things.
I'm thrilled to be able to announce the imminent re-release of my queer vampire thriller/humor novel, The Very Bloody Marys - coming very, very soon from Renaissance E Books.
Here's a tease of the new cover:
And here's a wonderful review of the book by the also-wonderful Kit O'Connell:
It’s no secret that M. Christian and I are friends. I’ve introduced one of his books and we’ve guest blogged for each other too. So even if I’m not the most unbiased critic, I still like to highlight interesting books I read from time to time even if they are by friends of mine.
One of Chris’ many recurring themes are alternate visions of the police. One of the characters in his wonderfully weird novel near-future novel Finger’s Breadth is a freelance officer who receives his orders and files reports via a distributed police ap on his smartphone. “Bluebelle” in The Bachelor Machine explores a future cop’s intimate relationship with his police vehicle, and Christian even co-edited the anthology Future Cops.
The most recent book I read by him is The Very Bloody Marys. Like Finger’s Breadth, it takes place in an alternate San Francisco but creatures of the night. Our hero is Valentino, a young gay vampire so uncertain of his place in the world that he can’t even decide how to start telling his story at the beginning of the book, so he begins again 2 or 3 times. Somehow, despite his Lestat-like confidence or prowess, he’s been selected to join an undead police force charged with maintaining the secrecy of the undead and the weird. Here, Valentino laments his own impending doom after his superior officer disappears:
Two hundred years. It’d been a good run. Lots of … well, there’d been blood of course. Moons. Stars. Rain. Fog. Hiding, too: all-night movie theaters, bars, discos, stables, warehouses, churches, a few synagogues (even a mosque or two) [...] Lots of … I was going to say friends but, to be honest, the nightlife might be advantageous to boogying but doesn’t make for long-term relationships. Some back-alley assignations, sticky stuff in my mouth or pants; not blood, or at least not up until a few years ago.
Two hundred sure sounds like a lot, but … the time just seemed to have hopped, skipped and jumped by. Never skied, never sailed, never surfed, never had two guys at once [...] What surprised me the most, though, was what I wanted more: orchids, bow ties, potato salad, string, oil or watercolor, hooks and line, two of everything.
The book has a breezy, playful noir style which would make it perfect summer reading. Though it doesn’t have the usual romance (though it has a handful of interesting unrequited ones), I found it especially interesting as a queer take on the torrid vampires-and-werewolves subgenre of urban fantasy.
Here's a hearty congratulations to my dear, sweetie, and very-wonderful friend Ralph Greco, Jr - who is having one of his plays produced as part of the Chatman Playhouse's 18th Annual Jersey Voices Festival. Way to go, Ralph!
In The Kid By Ralph Greco, Jr. of Clifton A young aspiring writer interviews with a famous playwright to be a research assistant. But the playwright may not be exactly who they seem to be; or maybe they don't really want a research assistant after all. This production features Cooper Sacks of Summit, Jean Kuras of Glen Ridge and Terri Sturtevant of Hillsborough.
The world of professional writing can be ... no, that's not right: the world of professional writing is - without a doubt - a very frightening, confusing place.
Not only are there only a few diehard rules – to either slavishly follow or studiously avoid - but even basic trust can be a very, very rare: should I put my work on my site, or will it be stolen? Should I even send my work out to other writers, for the very same reason?
What about editors or - especially - publishers? Does my editor really have my best interests in mind? Should I make the changes he or she suggests or should I stand my ground and refuse to change even one word? Is my publisher doing all they can for my book? Are they being honest about royalties?
Back in the days of print - before the revolution – a lot of these questions would have been answered by an agent: a person who not only knew the business but would actually hold a writer's hand and lead them from that doubt and fear and, hopefully, towards success ... however you want to define that word.
Agents spoke the cryptic language of rights and royalties: they could actually read – and even more amazingly - understand a book contract. They'd be able, with their experience and foresight, to say when a writer should say yes or no to edits.
What makes this book so special is that it is made up of stories that have previously appeared in Maxim Jakubowski's excellent Mammoth Book of New Erotica series - an honor that still makes me giggle like a schoolgirl.
What's also cool about this new collection is that it has a little bit of everything ... for everyone: erotic science fiction, queer erotic stories, and more! It's quite literally a book for just about everyone.
The Color of Lust - A shark, seedy poolhall, and a wager ... Daisy knew the hustle but what she didn't count on was being played herself. But in the best possible way.... Everything But The Smell Of Lilies - In the near future, Justine is a sex worker with a unique twist: for a fee her clients can do whatever they want - including kill her. Everything is going well for her ... until, that is, she comes across an ambulance attendant with his own unique fetish. Betty Came - A sweet, and extra-hot, tale of longing and lesbian desire: what do you do when you know what you is so very wrong ... but feels so very right? Regrets - Sitting on a chair, arms on the desk, fingers on the keyboard, words on the screen-" the letter is a final goodbye from a fellow to the world he's wronged ... or is it? And if he didn't write it then who did? The New Motor - A steampunky tale of outrageous turn-of-the-century inventiveness: John Murray Spear created The New Motor, The Mechanical Savior, but it was a special woman who gave it a sexy spark of life ... and then some. NY by Way of Taos - In a trailer baking in the hot desert sun, two women lose themselves to desire and fantasy: going to new and, for them, unexplored sexual worlds ... like New York City
... or, at least, I wrote about what I saw as the next logical step in personal computers. In Painted Doll, which I did a few years back - and is now available from Sizzler Editions - I wrote about an alternative culture in New Zealand that used an elegant head-mounted display:
(here's a bit about that, from a letter Flower wrote to her lover about this group - called the Noos - and their tech):
After dinner – did I mention the glasses? Shit, forgot about them. Easy to do, I guess. They're a huge part of the world here, so big you don't even notice them. Gave me my pair after the first week. They called them iglasses, a joke they say no one under forty understands. Which I'm not, so I didn't. Anyway, they're mnemonic plastic. They look cheap but they aren't. Big guy named Star, like a golden bear with a huge bristly beard, told me they'd cost something like 5 million new yen if they sold them, which they don't. He also told me they are a "mesh networked, micro thermopile powered, molecular computer system with a virtual retinal display" which I don't understand. But they work, I know that. You put them on and you can see and hear all this stuff that is and isn't there. Like you can look at the ground and see where the irrigation pipes are, and then reach out and touch a little icon and then see instructions on how to fix them. Or look at someone and see their name, what they are good at, what they don't like – stuff like that. Sometimes it's like cartoons, little symbols and stuff floating around, other times it's like a ghost world that you can but then can't see. I'm writing with them, too. They showed me how to get them to show me a keyboard, and then I just touch where the letters are. Kinda cool, but also kinda creepy.
They use the glasses to talk to one another. They shoot videos with them, make cartoons, write poems, do all kinds of things, and send them to each other. They may look like primitive, but they're really wizards with this kind of stuff. It makes me sad to think how I know that, but I do.
You may have noticed quite a few differences here on my blog. In a nutshell, quite a a few people have pointed out that my writing is (to be polite) rather scattered: gay fiction and erotica here, science fiction and cyber-erotica there, and - somewhere in the middle - my non-fiction (like my newly released Welcome To Weirdsville).
So what I've done is set up two brand new blogs and tweaked my prime blog here and at meine kleine fabrik to focus a bit more specifically on what I do - in the future my plans are to still post pretty much everything here on M.Christian but then put the appropriate content (plus new and surprising stuff) on the new blogs.
Here are the new blogs and (very) brief descriptions of what's on them:
In celebration of the re-release of my cyberpunk BDSM erotica novel, Painted Doll, here's an except...
Chapter 2
... Qui Dan Road to the High Street, a stumble of crisp British in a city of fish sauce and MSG. The change didn’t alter her steps, modify her movements.
Beautiful? Oh, yes: without doubt, without a question. The splendor of a rose, the loveliness of an orchid. The kimono is flawless, as is the china white of her immaculately applied artificial complexion. As she walks, hearts stop then race. As she walks, heads twist, eyes widen. As she walks, breaths are hissed in, sighed out.
Beautiful? Oh, yes: without doubt, without a question. But she is a knife-edged rose, a razor sharp orchid. Her stride is mechanically perfect, as is her perfectly vertical posture. Their hearts might race, their heads may twist, their eyes certainly widen, their breaths absolutely hiss in and hiss out, but as she steps nearer they instead step back. As she walks, they avert their eyes. As she walks, they pull themselves in.
The woman walking down the High Street feels them watching her, their glances furtive tickles, their quick stares barely felt hooks out of the corners of her always forward facing eyes. Passing a bookseller – tight fans of rough tan paper with lurid Cantonese chops on their glistening plastic covers hung in sagging arcs of cord – a reflection was revealed to her, a caught sight of what they were seeing.
But not what they were thinking. But she knew, nevertheless: each of them lost in illusions and fantasies as carefully crafted as her rouge, as flawlessly presented as the mae migoro and ushiro migoro of her kimono, as immaculately assembled as her performance:
She’s a dragon, some might think: the cruelty of a reptile, the flawlessness of a myth. You may approach her, with bravery beyond that of any battlefield, speaking with a stammer and a twitch, and if you were fortunate beyond your worth she’d slow, pause, turn with prudently measured grace, deeming your presence not completely disgusting. With that look, at that glance, would be a flickering forked tongue of cruel invitation, a scintillating promise of peaked breasts topped with fist-tight nipples, a belly steel plate flat and firm, a behind curving out in twin clenches of muscular intensity, thighs sculpted by rigid posture, and between them a scented valley of ruby silk.
But first, a miniscule task. But first, an all but insignificant request: to firmly stand guard for her honor and dignity; to fetch a inestimable gem, an incalculable jewel, or just a unexceptional sticky-sweet pastry; to perform for her a melody of praise, or a stammering litany of desperate worth; or a quick athletic demonstration of physical merit; or become for her an avenging knight, a battle to defend her honor against some heinous offense.
A minuscule task. An insignificant request. Accepted without doubt or hesitation, the reward a slow curl at the corner of her cold stone face, a bow of gratitude, and a bright flash of serpentine green eyes. Totally entranced by her, completely captured by her, the dragon would then reveal the metaphorical points of venomous teeth, sinking the illusion of her love deep into the shaft of your encouraged penis by showing you the true face of her cruelty.
The prize was yours but the tasks were actually anything but miniscule, not at all insignificant: firmly stand guard for her honor and dignity – for a year; fetch a inestimable gem, an incalculable jewel, or just a unexceptional sticky-sweet pastry – from a thousand miles away; perform for her a melody of praise, or a stammering litany of desperate worth – perfectly, without the tiniest flaw; a quick athletic demonstration of physical merit – unattainable by even the greatest athlete; or become for her an avenging knight, a battle to defend her honor against some heinous offense – in combat against a killing machine.
And so the dragon passes by, a smile on her cold-blooded face. No one approaches her, no one is willing to come near. And so they live, by letting her just walk by.
She’s a doll, some might think: a porcelain figure, an ivory representation. Beneath the silks and satins would be a body as perfect as only a master artisan could create. Breasts both delicate and womanly, nipples as delicate as rosebuds, a belly with an ideal swell, hands with the grace of ten Noh performers, calves a perfect taper, thighs an entrancing form, back a clean surface of alabaster, neck a musical curve, feet delicate and precious, a behind highlighted with sacral dimples, and a female cleft that was a pale oyster and a tiny pink pearl.
Like a doll, she would belong to whoever buys her. Cash, credit, merchandise – the right amount and the woman would instead walk behind, following her owner towards palace or hovel, both with the same unmoving mask of her face.
Palace or hovel, she would walk in the door, standing still and quiet with an item’s posture. Maybe she’d look better in the living room window, where the afternoon would bathe her in golden light? Or perhaps she’d be better exhibited in the bedroom, where her kimono could be removed like one from a real woman.
Yes, the bedroom. That was where she would be best displayed. Moving past, it was clear in their eyes, the allure of her perfect submission. A thing. An object. A piece of feminine sculpture. Unable to disagree, unable to refuse, bendable in all kinds of imaginative ways. From behind, cock sliding between her cool ivory cheeks. Face to face, marble breasts for unimpeded kiss, licks, and sucks. On top, her tight thighs spread apart and welcoming upward thrusts. Anything you wanted, anytime you wanted.
Desire was a rippling wave behind her, a heat distortion in the warm city air. It was obvious in their eyes that there, in her, was a world without ‘no,’ a land without complaint, a woman without a soul.
Then they stopped, that wave of erections and licked dry lips chilled with a slap of frigid revelation. Stepping back with the rest of the crowd, these men retreated from the precise rhythm of her steps, with whimpering fear in their wide eyes, their shaking heads.
Ivory arms, marble legs, alabaster body: inflexible, unfeeling, stiff, unbending, unyielding, and -- worst of all -- cold. With her you’d never hear ‘no,’ never be refused, never be denied, but you’d also never hear the beat of her heart, the music of her voice, the chimes of her laughter, the moans and screams of her pleasure. You’d perform with her your deepest, darkest, most subterranean – and all she would do would be to look at you with inscrutably glass eyes.
She’s a tiger, some might think: a beast with the stripes of a traditional Japanese dress. Hidden beneath her Asian camouflage was a woman’s body, exercised into an extension of her erotic drive. Where other women had euphemisms and poetic alliterations, she had simple, direct, and powerful words to describe herself. Where other women had bosoms, she had tits of ideal jiggle and sway, covered in thrilling smooth skin. Where other women had nipples, she had a pair of dark brown direct connections to her clit. Where other women had posteriors, she had two plush muscular globes that clenched and released with the beating heat of her clit. Where other women had sexes, she had a demanding, insistent cunt.
To see and handle these differences would be more fortune than seduction. You did not take the tiger to dinner and slip hot words between dessert and coffee. You did not lay flowers at the feet of this hot blooded woman within the cool disguise of a geisha. You did not whisper poetry into the shell-like ear of this elegantly robed bitch.
There was no way to make her do anything, no way to slyly allure or simply trick her into a private room, no way to seduce her. The only thing anyone could do was to stand within the range of that sweeping predatory glance and hope that her eyes would positively estimate your worth as a device for her pleasure. Then, and only then, would her red-painted lips open ever-so, more than a whisper but less than full voice, and speak the one word you’d prayed to hear: “Come.”
Behind her, pulled along by her insatiable need, you would follow. It wouldn’t be a long journey, for her cunt has a very short attention span. Cheap hotel on the next street, expensive one even closer by, or just the nearest fetid and slimy alley – whatever was within range.
Patience was for ladies. Hesitation was for women. Tigers – even ones hidden within silks and satins – had no need for foreplay, patience, or hesitation. They wanted, so they took.
And if you were lucky, she would take you. Hands down to your cock, a squeezing judgment for size and firmness. Lips to yours, a tongue penetrating your mouth, am attacking kiss wanting nothing of you but to be kindling to her roaring heat.
On her knees, she would take you. But only because that was what she wanted. Your come was not expected or important. A flesh device to penetrate an orifice, you would be used until she was bored and ready to move onto other penetrations of other orifices.
Or perhaps she’d require something else. Falling back, satin fabric pulled roughly aside, she might bare an insistent slickness, the gleaming lips and fast-beating clit, and demand your service. Failure to accept or in performance too terrible to contemplate.
At the end, your cock would be needed: hard, strong, and fast -- nothing else important to her. Burning hot, insanely wet, you’d enter and execute the task she’d ordered, working until her screams tore at your ears and her nails scratched along your back.
Then that would be it. Humiliating? Being reduced to only a device for someone’s pleasure usually is. But the blistering heat of her, the ferocious need of her cunt would put – and keep – a smile on your sweaty face.
But – and again men standing step back, retreat in shivering dread when she walks back – one does not ever tame a tiger, even after it is fed. Who knows what she might hunger for after? Meat, blood, flesh, dignity, any number of horrible violations – any of them within her grasp, and you too exhausted to resist.
Tigers are wild things, after all: enjoyable to watch in zoos, penned behind restraining bars, but far too bloodthirsty in bed.
She’s a machine, some might think: isn’t it wonderful what they’re doing with shape memory alloys, mnemetic plastics, optical fibers, and conductive polymers? Absolutely wonderful things coming out of Japan, India, the Wilding, and the young turks of the École Polytechnique, these days. Look up and there are dragonfliers pausing for location fixes before darting off at near-invisible speeds, packages clutched under their iridescent fuselages. Look down and there are myriad scurrying mechanisms trailing polished tracks of perfumed cleanliness through the city’s persistent grime. Look around and there are cinematics lazily scrolling across a lady’s fluttering fan, posters for the newest Malasian blockbuster cycling through tantalizing glimpses of furious martial arts and stiffly chaste duets, the hushed commuting fuel-cell and ethanol traffic, and the softly creaking carbon fibers of a prosthetic hand on a crumble-faced veteran of the Chinese genocide as he lays down a mah-jongg tile.
Look at her and you might see a device as carefully machined as a German car, a Swiss watch, a Japanese entertainment center, Indian software, or an African running shoe: breasts as ideal and resilient as silicone, skin of perfectly cured plastic, muscles as precise and strong as actuators, a genital-pleasuring interface between her thighs, a mouth with the same technology.
It was a safe bet that without her protective kimono covering, the pseudo-body of hers was as superlative as a supermodel, as sensuous as a Playmate of whatever month, as adept as an amalgamation of every courtesan who’d ever lived, as refined and machined as her manufacturers could make her.
Movement like the architecture in fine software, presence as authoritative as graceful as a jet fighter, skin as smooth as the polish on a fresh-from-the-factory-floor Ferrari, she passed by – and with her passing the tracking of lust and greed in the eyes of the male crowd, and sour envy on the faces of everyone else.
Here was the best of both of a man’s world: the twin allures of a clever device together with a well-articulated woman – or, to be more specific, as those men revealed so obviously, ‘coupled’ together, a mating between flesh and sex and advanced technology and power. Purchasing this – or simply leasing with an option to do the same – and putting it in the garage or the bedroom, would mean not just a product but also a woman of every dream, not just a sex partner but also a sophisticated piece of fine engineering.
But that wasn’t all. Look at them watching her move by. Lust was there, both for machine as well as woman, but there was also the dawning realization that there could be even more there: things that squeezed, buzzed, vibrated, hummed, heated, cooled, swirled, oscillated, tingled, and more, more, more so much more.
But then they pulled away, out of her way, out of her traffic, their fantasies dropping behind to be passed by the rushing acceleration of a nightmare, the barreling truck of a terrifying understanding.
Engineering, went their minds as they retreated, is fine and good, stimulating and thrilling. Sex, they thought as they ran away from her, is fantastic and wonderful. But to fuck a machine, to be intimate with gears and cogs, synthetics and electricity, hydraulics and radiators, could be good, but also could be like thrusting into a meshing, tearing, burning, shocking, scalding, blistering industrial accident.
Back in the ‘good old days’ of smut – when pornographers had to haul their steaming piles of sexually explicit materials up four and five flights of stairs – a certain writer with a gleam of sexy potential in his mesmerizing green eyes … okay, I mean me … wrote a column for the fantastic Adrienne at Erotica Readers & Writers called “Confessions Of A Literary Streetwalker.”
Now one of the things I did was part of being a Streetwalker that really took off was a little series I did called “The Four Deadly Sins:” a playful examination of the things that smut writers could do but that could – to put it mildly – make their work a tough sell. The very same “sins” I’ve been posting here on WriteSex.
Fast forward a … decade?! Sigh. Anyway, I had to put aside my Streetwalker days for other things but that little verboten list has always been by my side, especially since I’m now an Associate Publisher for the wonderful Renaissance Books (which includes Sizzler Editions, our erotica line). By the way [COMMERCIAL WARNING] my old columns are now in a dead-tree and ebook collection called How To Write And Sell Erotica [COMMERCIAL ENDS]
The reason why those “sins” stay with me is because one of my Associate Publisher things is to consider books for publication – and still, today, erotica writers don’t seem to understand that while, sure, you can pretty much write whatever you want there are still some things that will more-than-likely keep your work from seeing the light of day. Just for the record, the four are underage (self-explanatory), beastiality (same), incest (ditto) and excessive violence (torture porn or nonconsensual sex). But I’m here to talk about a new one that’s popped up … or ‘pooped out’ to blow the joke.
As you may have heard, an anthology I edited was just released by the great folks at Renaissance E Books/Sizzler Editions (called, by the way, The Love That Never Dies: Erotic Encounters With The Undead) featuring some truly remarkable stories of ... well, as the description says:
Thousands of books have been written about love and sex between humans and werewolves, vampires, aliens, shapeshifters, ghosts, and other supernatural creatures. But, what about the real, honest, and alluringly bizarre world of the undead. Not just zombies - though a few are stumbling through this anthology - not just the once-alive - but also the differently-living? In these pages you'll discover things shambling out of tombs, existing on whole new plains of existence, and more. In the hands, and minds, of these deeply talented and wonderful writers nothing will be quite what it appears. Buckle yourself in and get ready for a ride will of unexpected twists and turns, where your libido and desires may go in one direction while your brain - screaming all the time "No no no no no no!" - goes the opposite. Including stories from erotic writing celebrities like Laura Antoniou, Nobilis Reed, Jay Lawrence, Billierosie, PM White, Ralph Greco, Jr. - and science fiction/horror stars such as Jean Marie Stine, Ernest Hogan and Chris Devito!
And, speaking of Ernest Hogan - who is a great, great guy as well as a fantastic writer - recently put up a very fun post about his submission, "The Frankenstein Penis" on his blog. Here's a tease:
Just when you thought is was safe to read again, it's baaaaaaaack!
I'm talking about my most infamous story, The Frankenstein Penis, once again available for sale in the anthology Love That Never Dies: Erotic Encounters With the Undeadeditied by M. Christian. It's an ebook, and a paperback is in the works!
This is probably a good time for me explain why I wrote such a bizarre story. Fortunately, I've done it before here at Mondo Ernesto. The saga ofthe story can be found in And the Great Penis Rip-Off Goes On, and I discuss the two student films – and have links to them so you can watch them online – in The Frankenstein Penis: The Movie(s), and More.
As some of you might know - in addition to being the debonair, man-about-town, that I am - I'm also an Associate Editor for the adult entertainment site YNOT (who are wonderful folks, btw) - and here's a brand new one: a great little piece on the (ahem) infamous book Naked Came The Stranger....
Ah, the 1960s — or, to be more precise, the end of that decade: 1969. Richard Nixon was President of the U.S., the Beatles gave their last public performance, the Stonewall riots provided a rallying cry for gay-rights activists, Sean “P. Diddy” Combs was born and.… Oh, yeah — man landed on the moon.
During this frenzy of great achievement, an odd thing happened in the world of publishing. At the time, erotica was dominated by — to be polite — less-than-literary (or, for that matter, literate) fiction by writers like Jacqueline Susann (Valley of the Dolls) and Harold Robbins (The Betsy, The Carpetbaggers). But in 1969, a new star eclipsed the established firmament.
Naked Came the Stranger by Penelope Ashe had it all: sex, sex, sex and even more sex. Sure it was badly written, but something about the novel caught readers’ imagination — more than likely all that sex, sex and more sex. Naked was the Fifty Shades of Grey of its day, skyrocketing up the sales charts until it spent a week on The New York Times Best-Seller List, the pinnacle of publishing success.
But Naked Came the Stranger had what folks in the fiction-writing game call a backstory: a secret history to which readers were not clued in until late in the game. Penelope Ashe, you see, never existed. Naked was penned by a group of 24 professional journalists led by the redoubtable Mike McGrady of Newsday.
Scientists love a mystery. Biologists
used to have the human genome, but now they have the structure of protein. Physics used to have cosmic rays, but now
they have the God particle. Astronomers
used to have black holes, but now they have dark matter.
And then there's the puzzle, the enigma, the joyous mystery that dots the
world over: the riddle of what's commonly called Mima Mounds.
What's an extra added bonus about these cryptic 'whatevertheyares' is that
they aren't as miniscule as a protein sequence, aren't as subatomic as the elusive
God particle, and certainly not as shadowy as dark matter. Found in such exotic locales as Kenya, Mexico,
Canada, Australia, China and in similarly off-the-beaten path locations as California,
Arkansas, Texas, Louisiana, and especially Washington state, the mounds first appear
to be just that: mounds of earth.
The first thing that's odd about the mounds is the similarity, regardless
of location. With few differences, the mounds in Kenya are like the mounds in Mexico
which are like the mounds in Canada which are like the ... well, you get the point. All the mounds aer heaps of soil from three
to six feet tall, often laid out in what appear to be evenly spaced rows. Not quite geometric but almost. What's especially disturbing is that geologists,
anthropologists, professors, and doctors of all kinds – plus a few well-intentioned
self-appointed "experts" – can't figure out what they are, where they
came from, or what caused them.
One of the leading theories is that they are man-made, probably by indigenous
people. Sounds reasonable, no? Folks in loincloths hauling dirt in woven
baskets, meticulously making mound after mound after ... but wait a minute. For one thing it would have been a huge
amount of work, especially for a culture that was living hand-to-mouth. Then there's the fact that, as far as can
be determined, there's nothing in the mounds themselves. Sure they aren't exactly the same as the
nearby ground, but they certainly don't contain grain, pot shards, relics, mummies,
arrowheads, or anything that really speaks of civilization. They are just dirt. And if they are man-made, how did the people in Kenya,
Mexico, Canada, Australia, China, California, Arkansas, Texas, Louisiana, and especially
Washington state all coordinate their efforts so closely as to produce virtually
identical mounds? That's either one
huge tribe or a lot of little ones who somehow could send smoke signals thousands
of miles.
Not very likely.
Next on the list of explanations is that somehow the mounds were created either
by wind and rain or by geologic ups and downs – that there's some kind of bizarre
earthy effect that has caused them to pop up. Again, it sounds reasonable, right? After all, there are all kinds of weird
natural things out there: rogue waves, singing sand, exploding lakes, rains of fish
and frogs – so why shouldn't mother nature create field after field of neat little
mounds?
The "natural" theory of nature being responsible for the Majorly
Mysterious Mima Mounds starts to crumble upon further investigation. Sure there's plenty of things we don't yet
understand about how our native world behaves scientists do know enough to be able
to say what it can't do – and it's looking pretty certain it can't be as precise,
orderly, or meticulous as the mounds.
But still more theories persist.
For many who believe in ley lines, that crop circles are some form of manifestation
of our collective unconscious, in ghosts being energy impressions left in stone
and brick, the mounds are the same, or at least similar: the result of an interaction
between forces we as yet do not understand, or never will, and our spaceship earth.
Others, those who prefer their granola slightly less crunchy or wear their
tinfoil hats a little less tightly, have suggested what I – in my own ill-educated
opinion – consider to be perhaps the best theory to date. Some, naturally, have dismissed this concept
out-of-hand, suggesting that the whole idea is too ludicrous even to be the subject
of a dinner party, let alone deserving the attention and respect of serious research.
But I think this attitude shows not only lack of respect but a lack of imagination. After all, was it not so long ago that the
idea of shifting continents was considered outrageous? And wasn't it only a few years ago that
people simply accepted the fact that the sun revolved around the earth? I simply ask that this theory be considered
in all fairness and not dismissed without the same serious consideration these now
well-respected theories have received.
After all, giant gophers could very well be responsible for the Majorly Mysterious
Mima Mounds
YNOT – Let's face it: No business, adult or otherwise, can make a dime if no one knows it exists. This is why it's important to listen to people who know what it takes to take an enterprise from obscurity to popularity, especially in these days when social media distracts and anyone can call himself a marketing guru.
That’s where Sherry Ziegelmeyer and Jay Moyes come in. The owners and operators of Black and Blue Media, Moyes and Ziegelmeyer operate quietly behind the scenes of several well-known companies and individuals — companies and individuals they’ve helped transform from unknowns into household names.
Never heard of Black and Blue? There's a reason for that. The company has been around since 2004, but Ziegelmeyer and Moyes cling to an odd notion that what they do is about their clients, not about them. Consequently, you’ve probably seen more evidence of their work than you realize.
Okay, okay, I admit it: Me (the immovable object) finally have surrendered to Facebook (the irresistible force). You can fins my "personal" page here, though I prefer it if people 'like' and follow my author's page.
And since you can never talk about the Hellfire Club without at least mentioning Diana Rigg's (ahem) memorable appearance in The Avengers episode "A Touch of Brimstone" - which was about a modern reincarnation of the club - as The Queen Of Sin!
Since the wonderful Bill Mills and the fantastic Jean Marie Stine of Renaissance/PageTurner Editions were so wonderful to create the Did You Know? video series to promote my new book, Welcome To Weirdsville, I thought the least I could do was share my article about the Hellfire Club from the book ... so here it is. Enjoy!
HELLFIRE!
History has not been kind to them.
If you can even find references to their Brotherhood it's usually shaded
with Christian hysteria, whispered tales loaded with the usual Catholic shockers
of Satanism, sacrifice, the black mass, rituals – you name it. They say that the winners write the history
books – well, I consider it a bad sign that it takes a lot of digging to uncover
the truth: while they haven't won they certainly have a good enough foothold to
pretty badly taint the memory of the Amorous Knights of Wycombe.
Even if you travel to their later meeting place, the sleepy little hamlet
of West Wycombe, the locals spout the nonsense – telling tales laced with those
Christian bogeymen images: hooded figures droning a litany of forbidden words while
a naked offering is laid out on cold granite, awaiting the ritual blade in the hands
of a Satanic Priest.
While the truth about the membership of the Monks of Medmenham, and later
the Amorous Knights of Wycombe, isn't as – well – Hammer Films material, the tale
of its founding, membership, and rites is fascinating.
Oh, to be in England in the 1760s.
The Colonies were behaving themselves, the Great British Empire was just
that, and everyone – so it seemed – belonged to a club. There was one for just about every class,
interest, or occupation: The Lying Club, where the truth was banned; the Ugly Club
where the qualifications for membership were unhandsome, at best; the Golden Fleece
where members took on such names as Sir Boozy Prate-All, Sir Whore-Hunter, and Sir
Ollie-Mollie.
Then there was the Monks of Medmenham Abbey. Meeting clandestinely on a spot of land somewhere along the Thames
near London, this circle of Gentlemen came to typify the age, the era of the Great
English Clubs.
Sir Francis Dashwood is one of my heroes – roguish, yet always the stalwart
Gentleman; a prankster and jape, yet the author of the Book of Common Prayer – Sir Francis was the center and guiding force
behind the very special club, the one later to be known by the misnomer, the Hellfire
Club.
Born in 1708, and an indirect descendent of Milton ("tis better to rule
in Hell, than serve in Heaven"), Sir Francis was a great supporter of reforms
as well as artistic advances. His estate
at West Wycombe became an example progressive architectural design and intelligent
land management. He was elected an
MP 1762, in appointed Chancellor of the Exchequer the following year – and then
the year after that elevated to the House of Lords. To add to these wonderful accomplishments, in 1766 (under Pitt)
Dashwood was appointed Postmaster-General. Sir Francis, you see, was a man of accomplishment, of intelligence,
ability, and – most certainly – wit.
Oh yes, for while Sir Francis was elevating his way through Parliament, he
also created, and pretty much single-handedly maintained, his own special club. Unlike those other eccentric clubs of the
time the Monks of Medmenham Abbey was a special organization – one dedicated to
japing the Papists, providing a place where a gentleman of wit and sophistication
might find a place to meet, drink, and – in general – raise a little hell.
The Monks certainly did that.
First at their hidden little island, set inside a false ruin of an old Abbey,
they met – clandestine greetings across the cool waters of the Thames, lanterns
and torches lighting the way, the Monk-robed members gathering together to eat,
drink, share amusing anecdotes and fuck like bunnies.
While there were definitely intellectual intercourse at those meetings of
the Monks of Medmenham Abbey, it was rather plain-old-simple intercourse that kept
them coming back. After 1763, when
the cloaked and torch-bearing Monks had attracted some undue attention, they moved
local to Dashwood's own estate in West Wycombe – where the Lord de Despencer had
constructed a veritable erotic, playful interpretation of Hades on – and under –
Earth.
The hills around West Wycombe are soft chalk, ideal for tunneling – and that's
just what Sir Francis did. With his
artistic and architectural eye he created a veritable maze of tunnels, underground
rivers, chambers and gardens on his property, decorated with elaborate erotic sculptures,
teasing portraits of the Knights of Wycombe (such as depicting Sir Francis with
halo), and many small chambers for intercourse of both kinds. It was at Wycombe that the real Hellfire
club began, a festive playground where the political, artistic, and intellectual
elite of England met – engaging in dalliances with some of the most famous of London
prostitutes. My favorite little jape
of the society is that while it is pretty much incontrovertible that Ladies-of-Rentable-Virtue
were present, it is also believed that – since both 'Monks' and 'Nuns' wore veils
or masks, and identities kept very secret – lovers, wives, sisters, and daughters
of other members were also there.
Now before you imagine (you filthy creature you!), English artists and intellectuals
running around in a white-wig version of Porky's,
let me reassure you that while Eros was a major focus of the Knights, it was handled
with grace and dignity – the Nuns could refuse any offer, or accept any offer, as
they saw fit. It was a place of playful
perversity, where free-thinkers could gather together to titter and mock the oppressive
Jacobites and their domineering Pope.
Rituals were held, yes, but with all the seriousness of rowdy jesters.
And what jesters they were – and this is what elevated the Amorous Knights
of Wycombe to memorable heights. I've
told you of Sir Francis, peer by day, Monk by night, but the other members – particularly
the inner circle – shine with their own randy double-lives. Just listen to this litany of the famous
and infamous who all took part in the elaborate games and fanciful parties in and
under West Wycombe hill: The Earl of Sandwich (for whom the food was named), First
Lord of the Admiralty; Thomas Potter, Paymaster-General, Treasurer for Ireland and
son of the Archbishop of Canterbury; John Wilkes, MP, and Lord Mayor of London;
Frederick, the Prince of Wales; Horace Walpole, Politician and author; Edmund Duffield
and Timothy Shaw, the Vicars of Medmenham; Chevalier D'Eon de Beaumont, French diplomat;
and – even possibly – our own bawdy intellectual, Benjamin Franklin. In addition to these noteworthies, West
Wycombe also admitted the well-spoken rake or two, and some famous artists such
as Giuseppe Borgnis, and Robert Lloyd.
Alas, nothing is forever – the tide turned, and when the now-Papal friendly
popular opinion discovered the existence of our festive Monks, the scandal almost
brought down the government with them.
Even its own sense of nasty jape seem to have had a hand in the club's fading. During one particularly intense mock black
mass, ever-the-rogue John Wilkes took an ape, affixed it with a devil mask and released
it during the service. The outrage
was wonderfully hysterical – though telling that the Earl of Sandwich (said by many
to be very ugly, and very ugly tempered) was said to have fallen to his knees and
said, "Spare me, gracious devil.
I am as yet but half a sinner.
I never have been so wicked as I pretended!"
The last meeting took place in 1762, shaken by scandal, internal conflicts,
the Monks simply fell apart. The caves
fell into disrepair after the death of Dashwood, and soon the horror stories of
the evil rites held there had hidden the truth; that it was once the festive and
mocking domain of the Amorous Knights.
On a closing note, I have to relate one of my favorite events during the later
part of the society. In a bitter hypocrisy
after the foundering of the club, that disreputable Earl of Sandwich had the notorious
wit John Wilkes on the stand – in no doubt an act of revenge. Proving himself beyond a shadow of a doubt
that he was completely, utterly wicked, Sandwich belabored his previous fellow-monk
until, in a fit of frustration at Wilke's calm and witty rejoinders proclaimed,
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or by the pox!"
To which, in a perfect closing to this tale of elegant mischief, Wilkes responded,
without batting an eye: "That depends, Sir, on whether I embrace your principals
– or your mistress."
I can't ever say it enough: I have some truly incredible friends: just check out this post by dear friend, Ralph Greco, Jr., over at the Von Gutenberg site about my new book Welcome to Weirdsville:
Well-known writer, part-time rapscallion and full-time great friend of us all here at Von Gutenberg, M. Christian sees not only the release of his new Welcome To Weirdsville from Renaissance E Books/PageTurner Editions but also a five part video series connected with it called Did You Know? (see it here) written Renaissance publisher Jean Marie Stine and produced by media master, Bill Mills.
Prolific scribe that he is (the guy has 400 stories published in anthologies alone!) we know M. Christian’s ability to not only turn a phrase but to unearth some of the most interesting tidbits on a subject, as he does in the non-fiction pieces he has penned for us and in WTW you’ll find more of the same as we learn about a noble Word War 1 German pirate, the City of Fire, the giggling genius of Brian G. Hughes, The Antikythera Device and much much more.
Welcome To Weirdsville is a must for any student, devotes or those of us with a passing interest in marquis weirdness written about with unmatched aplomb.
I am ... speechless. This is just so damned cool: as a very special celebration of the release of my book Welcome to Weirdsville, Renaissance E Books/PageTurner Editions presenting a five part series Did You Know? written by our publisher Jean Marie Stine and produced by by our resident magnificent media master, and great guy, Bill Mills.
"A wonderful compendium of interesting subjects and fascinating topics. Will keep you reading just to found out what's going to be covered next. Highly recommended for all lovers of weird & wonderful this side of the Universe." -Avi Abrams, Dark Roasted Blend.
Peek under the rugs, open more than a few drawers, peek in the back shelves and you'll find that ... well, Lord Byron himself said it best: "Truth is always strange, stranger than fiction." Lakes that explode, parasites that can literally change your mind, The New Motor, a noble Word War 1 German pirate, the odd nature of ducks, the War Magician, the City of Fire, men and their too big guns, a few misplaces nuclear weapons, an iceberg aircraft carrier, the sad death of Big Mary, the all-consuming hunger of the Bucklands, the giggling genius of Brian G. Hughes, the Kashasha laughter epidemic.... Ponder that in a world that holds things like kudzu, ophiocordyceps unilateralis, The Antikythera Device, The Yellow Kid, Leopold and Rudolf Blaschka, Alfred Jarry, Joseph Pujol, and suicide-bombing ants ... who knows what other kinds of wonders as well as horrors may be out there?
Welcome to Weirdsville
M. Christian
$9.99
PageTurner Editions
183 Pages Available where all ebooks are found
The first thing that stuck me about Painted Doll was the very mannered, structured and layered language; clause upon clause of dense evocative phrasing which could serve to push readers away, but instead drew me deeper into Domino's world. The effect is a little like standing on a beach with the waves of a rising tide lapping at your toes until you're standing calf deep without really having made the decision to get wet.
The chaotic, dystopic future in which Painted Doll is set is expertly sketched amongst this layered detail. It is sufficiently fully realized to be concrete and real; sufficiently impressionistic to leave me with intriguing questions. I suspect the Ecole Polytechnique's creature may not be an obvious choice for a sequel, but the glimpses we're given into his/its mind really grabbed me.
This rich, layered language also heightens the erotic scenes in the novel - both the artificial professional sessions, where Domino wields distilled emotions without so much as touching one finger to her male clients, and in the more innocent and earthy remembered sex she shared with her female lover, Flower.
It must be admitted that the story is let down by some poor proofreading, which has let assorted typos, missing words, and formatting problems mar the text. This is a real shame as other details - the choice of title font, and the fans used as section breaks, for example - were so spot on. At the same time, there's more het sex and male-gaze than I was expecting from the back-cover blurb.
That said, the only element of the story itself that left me unsatisfied is that I am still, after two readings, unsure if the moment when Claire miss-steps, bringing the action to its climax, is meant to signal extremely strongly her fear and confusion, or if I have miss-interpreted how Domino's neuroscopic art works. I suspect the flaw may be mine.
As a fan of the epistolary novel, it was an unexpected joy to find this vein of letter-based story telling running through this cyberpunk thriller. Although we never meet Flower directly, her character and her voice shines through. We only get to see the first flush of their love affair through the cracks in the masks of Domino's new life, but I could still see why they would fall in love, why it was worth risking so much to be together, which means that what happens to Flower as the story comes to an end really hits home.
This isn't an easy romance, either in its plot or the reading experience, but it is a very strong, compelling story which drew me in, and which I will remember for some time. M. Christian masterfully slides between the different parts of Domino/Claire's identity, building and revealing the world, the character, the conflict at the heart of the story, and it's a grand ride.
GLBT erotica is a genre to be reckoned with, and The Erotica Readers and Writers Association will help interested authors with two GLBT Live Chats with the Pros: Delilah Devlin and M. Christian will be on hand to answer questions, offer advice, and exchange ideas with authors of GLBT erotica. Whether you're penning your first gay fiction, or are a spicy-seasoned pro, don't miss this opportunity.
M. Christian, associate publisher for Renaissance E Books (which includes Sizzler Editions), is an acknowledged master of erotica with more than 400 stories in such anthologies as Best American Erotica, Best Gay Erotica, Best Lesbian Erotica, and Best Bisexual Erotica, Best Fetish Erotica. If you want to know what GLBT editors want (and don't want) and how to make your submissions stand out, M. Christian will be happy to answer your questions.
(Follow the link above. On screen you'll see 'Connect to ShadowWorld IRC'. In the Nickname box, key in your name. Leave the channels box at #ERAChat, and click 'Connect'. A chat text box will appear at the bottom of your screen)