Welcome to Weirdsville: "I Don't Feel So Good...."

The wonderful Avi at Dark Roasted Blend has just posted a brand new Welcome to Weirdsville article: this time about nasty little boo-boos involving chemical and biological weapons (as if dropping nukes wasn't bad enough).

Very Bloody Marys On A Dollar A Word

Check it out: the wonderful Mike Ford has featured yers truly and The Very Bloody Marys as his Featured Artist of the Week. Thanks so much, Mike!

Running Dry on Chroma

Just wanted to share the coolness that Kathleen Bradean's wonderful review for Running Dry is now up on the Chroma queer literary and arts journal site. Check it out!

Very Bloody Marys: News, Updates, and More!

Howdy, folks! M.Christian here with news, updates and fun about my newest, funniest, scariest novel: The Very Bloody Marys, just out from Haworth Positronic Press.

Check out the what people might be saying about this funny, scary, gay, vampire, detective story:

“A magnificent literary achievement!”
- Stephen King (if he'd actually read the book)

“Funny, scary – a wonderful thrill ride!”
- Kurt Vonnegut (if he were still alive)

“You HAVE to read this book!”
- Alberto Perez, Novel Prize Winner for Literature (if I hadn't made him up)

For rave reviews that didn't come from my own imagination, follow this link to them on my site at www.mchristian.com. If you also want to review The Very Bloody Marys - and receive a free “I sucked up to a vampire book author” T-shirt - just drop me a line at zobop@aol.com.

In the meantime, if you’re lucky enough to live in or just be visiting San Francisco, you’ll have a chance to enjoy a couple of fantastic Very Bloody Marys experiences:

Take Mina Harker’s famous San Francisco Vampire Tour and you’ll have a chance to win a free copy of The Very Bloody Marys. Mina’s almost as fantastic as my book – yes, she’s THAT good!

On August 11th at 3:00PM you’ll have the rare opportunity to meet and greet me, a reclusive author who shuns sunlight, at a special *daytime* event at Borderlands Books:

Borderlands Books
866 Valencia St.
San Francisco CA 94110

(415) 824.8203
Toll-Free Phone Number: (888) 893.4008
Email: webmail@borderlands-books.com

Come for the reading, stay for basking in my literary glow (caution: only visible at night)!

#

“M. Christian has created a character with an unforgettable, if unceasing, narrative voice, an amusing and cliche-busting antidote to the overpopulated literary ranks of hardboiled vampire detectives. The world of Le Conseil Carmin, where vampires literally work for Blood Money and protect humanity from creatures much worse than themselves, is well-wrought; the plot twists, although initially baffling, all get satisfactorily straightened out; and Valentino, a less-than-enthusiastic member of Le Corps Policier Contre, has a self-conscious charm that will appeal to a broad spectrum of readers.

“Fresh, quirky, and irreverent, The Very Blood Marys is a vampire novel for readers who've become bored with vampires.”
-- Dru Pagliassotti, The Harrow

Great Post from Sage Vivant

A bad week for Republican sex

I'd like to take a non-partisan view toward sex but wow -- these guys really don't make it easy. What a week it was for unbridled hypocrisy!

1. On July 9, the "D.C. Madam" released her little black book of clients, and in a preemptive move designed to ward off the wave of public derision and marital strife, Senator David Vitter (R-La.) confessed to having availed himself of the madam's services. He's since disappeared, probably because his wife was once quoted as "being more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hilary Clinton" on such matters. I can only wonder whether Vitter escaped before she reached for her knife.

Vitter was a typical Southern Republican, espousing the sanctity of marriage while getting his kicks from the professionals. In 2005, Vitter attacked "the Hollywood left" for "redefining the most basic institution in human history." Uh huh.

2. Republican Strategist John ("Jack") M. Burkman's name was also in the revealing black book. (You may recall that Burkman picked up some teenage girls last year -- and was dumb enough to give them his business card -- and offered to pay them for sex. He likes really big tits, by the way.) Burkman is a real doll: following on the comments of Ann Coulter's vile hate rants on the widows of 9/11, he declared that “within hours of those [World Trade Center] towers going down,” the wives of victims of the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks “were ready to make money and exploit this tragedy!” Once a sleazeball asshole, always a sleazeball asshole, I guess.

3. Florida State Representative (and Co-chair of Senator John McCain's Florida campaign) Bob Allen got into a sticky little mess this week, too, but at least his name wasn't in the D.C. Madam's book. Instead, he was arrested Wednesday afternoon at a local park after offering to perform a sex act on an undercover officer in exchange for $20. The Orlando Sentinel story says Allen was arrested for "offering to perform a sex act," but TV reports out of Florida say Allen was to have the sex act performed on him. Either way, I think we all agree that Florida is clearly the place to get a blowjob, as they can be had for the bargain price of $20!

Thanks, you horny Republicans, for making such asses of yourselves. But fear not, your supporters will not be thwarted. They're all praying for you and saying crap like, "If God has found it in His heart to forgive you, so can I."

A Very Bloody Mary Time In San Francisco

If you're visiting San Francisco - or are lucky enough to live here - definitely check out the delightful San Francisco vampire tour conducted by the very fun Mina Harker (aka Kitty Burns).

The Vampire Tour of San Francisco was chosen by The Bay Guardian as one of the "Best of the Bay" for 2003! Mina Harker (Kitty Burns) was also awarded the 2005 Individual Donor Diamond Award by ARTshare in San Mateo, CA for charitable contributions made by The Vampire Tour of SF.

Become a member of the Drac Pack! Explore the Gothic side of Nob Hill with your Host, Mina Harker, Vampress who was made by Count Dracula in London in 1897 and banished by him to the United States. Mina has resided on and under the streets of San Francisco for over 100 years. Hear her story, and learn how Vampires have played an important part in the shaping of San Francisco as we know it today. Don't worry. We do not go underground or to any stops that are seriously gothic or dark. This is a fun, light hearted tour for the Undead or prospective Undead with a sense of humor!

If you act quickly you might be lucky and receive a FREE (yes, I said FREE) copy of The Very Bloody Marys that Mina will be giving away on each tour.

Dark Roasted Weird

Check it out: the fantastic Dark Roasted Blend just republished my meine kleine fabrik Welcome to Weirdsville: Oooops! post.

I don't know what to say -

- except thanks to Ann Regentin for this incredibly special Very Bloody Marys review. Check out the whole thing at the always great Erotica Readers & Writers Association site, but in the meantime here's an excerpt:

I don't review books very often. In fact, it might be better to say that I don't review books at all, and the reason is that I'm very picky. I spent a few years reading them for money—yes, you can do that if you're in the right place at the right time—and as a result, nothing surprises me. I don't care what plot or character you throw at me, I've read it before somewhere else.

Murder mysteries are the worst because I used to read them obsessively, and good ones, too, like Rex Stout, Arthur Conan Doyle and Agatha Christie. Unless the characters or setting really grab me, it usually takes three chapters to figure out who the killer is. A quick check to the end, and I'm done. I also don't much care for vampire stories, mostly because I don't find cold immortality particularly sexy. I prefer my heroes warm-blooded and human.

So what the heck was I doing reading a book called The Very Bloody Marys (Harrington Park Press; May 1, 2007), a gay vampire murder mystery? Even weirder, why couldn't I put it down?

Okay, I did put it down from time to time. I had to eat, shower, sleep, take care of my kid, that kind of thing, but for the most part, I read because in spite of covering two of my least favorite genres, it was a damned good book ....

[more]

Kathleen Bradean loves The Very Bloody Marys

Thank you, Kathleen, for this wonderful review of The Very Bloody Marys!

I've been indulging in a M. Christian reading binge lately. I finished his vampire tale, Running Dry (very good), and then slipped right into The Very Bloody Marys, his newest vampire story.

Valentino is a 200-year old rookie vampire cop who is fated to spend eternity as the screw-up assistant to undead drill sergeant cop and all around bastard, Pogue. That is, until Pogue mysteriously disappears. The powers (of the night) want Valentino to find Pogue and stop a rogue band of vampires who call themselves the Very Bloody Marys. The only problem is that Valentino has no clue what he's doing. He stumbles around San Francisco, making an unholy mess of the case, while sinister otherwordly beings manipulate him into doing their bidding. Valentino isn't as hopeless as he thinks he is though, and manages to find out what happened to his mentor, figure out who the real bad guy is, and take down the Very Bloody Marys.

The Very Bloody Marys isn't a story about being a vampire (although that's part of it). It's a good-ole gumshoe novel, a mystery with enough twists to keep me guessing and page-turning action. The characters were so original that it never felt like a rehash of vampire legend (thank god!). And the best part - this book supplied enough of a taste of otherworld San Francisco to pique my interest, but left me wanting more. Hopefully, M. Christian will do me a favor write another one. Soon.

Emily Veinglory likes Running Dry

What with all the hullaballoo (and, yes, that is a technical term) over The Very Bloody Marys I've almost forgotten I have another novel out there. The wonderful Emily Veinglory has a very flattering review of Running Dry. Check it out:

I am a somewhat disillusioned fan of vampire fiction. I have a few hundred vampire books and have read a few hundred more than that. The days when I would buy a book just because it was vampire fiction are long gone given the sheer quantity of them out there and the average quality, which seems to sink every year. In the last week I just happen to have read three vampire books over the last week or so and this one, 'Running Dry' by M. Christian, made me think: Oh, right. This is what I loved about vampire fiction all along.

And I should probably make clear is that we are not talking about bats, tuxedos and mock-European-accent type vampire cliches here. The very essence of the vampire mythos is having to take something from someone else to live, take so much that they die. That is the monster inside the man, that is the dilemma. Modern vampires who have immortality, angst and superpowers but no real down side to their state pale in comparison to this.

The basic story is about Doud, a conflicted man trying to reconcile what he needs to do to live his long life with his respect for human life. Shelly is his friend, a middle-age gallery owner who has to confront a few of her own personal demons when she finds out what Doud really is. And finally the story starts with the return of Doud's old lover Sergio who had every reason to want Doud dead. The kind of creature Doud really is would take a little long to explain. He needs to feed off others but his nature springs from the author's unique vision and has none of the surface features of the stock blood-sucking monster.

There really is very little to complain about in this book. I do think some of the events in the last third of the book could have been described at more length to help us setting into the twists and turns and to add pathos to the ending which could (should?) have had more emotional impact. But this is a quibble. The characters are likeable without being particularly heroic or virtuous (like real people). The story pulls you along with something new unfolding in every chapter. More than anything the writing is effortless to read, so it is more like watching the story through a window than wading through a swamp of words (this being the greatest difference between this book and the others I read this week). Based on my experience of M. Christian's writing so far (this book and his anthology 'Filthy') my main advice is this, if a book has his name on it you should buy it.

If you like fiction with gay themes their presence here is a bonus, but the reason to buy this book is because this book is good.

Welcome to Weirdsville!

If you haven't checked out meine kleine fabrik, check it out now: I've been posting some of my classic Welcome to Weirdsville columns up there. So far I've talked about the Hellfire Club, nuclear weapon boo-boos, kudzu, The Bucklands, and many more strange and bizarre things.

This week, for instance, I've posted a little piece about the fartist: Le Petomane.

Enjoy!

The Only Thing It Could Be Called: The Pussyfoot

As this was a bit too risque for meine kleine fabrik I decided to post it here rather than there.

From JT's Stockroom:

The SiFeet Pussy Foot is the ultimate fantasy sex toy for foot fetishists. This size 6, 100% silicone foot is cast in pure silicone from a real life actual, beautiful female foot. In the sole of this lovely foot is a fully functional and totally fuck-able silicone vagina.

This pure silicone foot is soft, smooth, and incredibly sexy. The toes are decorated with acrylic toenails painted glossy pink, making the Pussy Foot seem even more real.

From the toes to the heel and ankle, great time and effort has been taken to insure that the Pussy Foot seems real.

From Wikipedia:

Like other paraphilias, foot fetishism encompasses a wide range of predilections; one foot fetishist may be aroused by scenarios that another fetishist finds unerotic or even repulsive. Websites exist that cater to a number of specialized scenarios, including: women walking barefoot in the street with dirty soles or on uncomfortable surfaces such as hot pavement, feet pushing down on gas or brake pedals, feet crushing objects like balloons or toy cars, feet being pushed into mud or food, female foot torture (i.e. having the soles of their feet tortured or punished by whippings, hot wax, burnt with cigarettes, etc. see bastinado and falaka.