La-La Land

As you know, I'm going to be in Los Angeles for the next week at the XBIZ 360° | Digital Media Conference - so my blogging will be spotty at best. But keep an eye on my twitter and flickr feeds for updates on (ahem) whatever mischief I may get up to down there.

Reminder: I'm Going To The XBIZ 360° - Digital Media Conference!

(from M.Christian's Classes And Appearances)

Just a reminder that I'm going to be at the the XBIZ 360° | Digital Media Conference in Los Angeles this week.  Drop me a line if you're going and we'll hook up or something.

I'm going to be winging my way down to Los Angeles to attend the XBIZ 360° | Digital Media Conference from January 9th to the 12th - courtesy of a absolutely fantastic friend.

Reminder: Future Sex For Dr. Amy Marsh's Sexuality Salon

(from M.Christian's Classes And Appearances)

Just a reminder, folks, that's I'm going to be doing a lecture/discussion/class for the fabulous Dr. Amy Marsh's Sexuality Salon MeetUp on Friday.

I can all-but guarantee it will be a plast and a half.

Here are the details:

Friday, December 28, 2012 

7:00 PM To 9:00 PM 

Sonoma Coffee Cafe2131 Durant Avenue, Berkeley, CA (map) 

Out with the old, and in with the future! In December, Sexology Salon will explore the topic of Future Sex! 

Our own Sexology Salon member, M. "Chris" Christian, will lead us in this sure to be lively event! Chris is an erotic author, editor, and workshop presenter. Chris shared his work as an erotic author with the Salon a few months ago and it was a fabulous discussion! Here's what he plans for us during December's program: 

"Welcome to the World Of Tomorrow! Sure, we have iPads, iPhones, Viagra, the staggering depths of the Internet, but what could the day after tomorrow bring? In this combination discussion and lecture, participants will share in some thought experiments on what sex may be like in the year year – or the next thousand years. Subjects included will be speculations on drug and chemical enhancements, extrapolation on current – and future – consumer technology, where gender and sexual orientation may be headed, the idea of artificial implants and enhancements, and even the prospects of intimate encounters with cyborgs, androids, robots, and artificial intelligences." 

As always, please attend our Salon "fragrance free" and plan to patronize the offerings at Sonoma Coffee Cafe. Also, please plan to chip in a couple of dollars towards Meet Up's monthly fees when I take up collection. Thanks so much!

I'm Teaching For Good Vibrations

(from M.Christian's Classes & Appearances)

Great news: I'm going to be teaching my class, How To Create An Effective Online Profile – And Now To Write Messages That Will Get Good Responses, for the wonderful folks at Good Vibrations (at Polk Street in San Francisco) on April 15, 2013.

Stay tuned for more info, but in the meantime here's a quickie outline of the class:

The world really is the Internet ... and if you don't know how to use it then you are at a serious disadvantage in making any kind of connection: employment, social, artistic and – most of all – erotic. This class will not just explore how to use the Internet and various sites as a resource to explore your own sexuality – in any form – but also how to create an effective and alluring online profile. But creating a digital 'self' is only part of it: participants will also get tips on how to reach out in imaginative ways that will get a positive response, the important things that are too often forgotten and other social niceties that can be the difference between frustration and disappointment and having a wonderful – and best of all – sexy time online!

Great Time At Impact Play - Beyond Floggers And Canes!

(from M.Christian's Classes and Appearances)

Just wanted to toss out a heartfelt thanks to all the great - and no doubt gloriously kinky - folks who came out to hear me teach Impact Play - Beyond Floggers And Canes at the San Francisco's Citadel last night.  

I hope everyone had as much fun being there as I did teaching it!

Reminder: Impact Play - Beyond Floggers And Canes

(From M.Christian's Classes And Appearances)

Just a little reminder that I'm going to be teaching one of my all-time fan favorite classes for the SF Citadel Community Center on December 11th: Impact Play - Beyond Floggers And Canes

SF Citadel Community Center
181 Eddy Street, San Francisco, CA 

Cost: $20 at door 

Description:

Join this workshop to receive (ahem) 'hands-on' instruction in a wide and sometimes-strange variety of different impact toys hands, hairbrushes, paddles, crops, wooden spoons, batons, quirts, and more. While often the physics of these toys are sometimes closely related, to use each one effectively takes particular skill and techniques that are not immediately apparent. Participants will learn not only how to inflict the most pleasure as well as pain but also how to use each item without hurting the wield-er as well as the wield-ee.

Reminder: Hear Me Read From 50 Writers On 50 Shades Of Grey

(from M.Christian's Classes And Appearances)

Just a reminder:

This is going to be a blast!

On Thursday, December 6th, from 7 - 8pm, join me and some other wonderful writers reading from the very fun new book 50 Writers On 50 Shades Of Grey at the Valencia Street Good Vibrations store, in San Francisco!

E. L. James’ Fifty Shades trilogy has fascinated and seduced millions of readers. In bedrooms, in book clubs, and in the media, people can’t stop talking about it!

In Fifty Writers on Fifty Shades of Grey, 50 writers—from romance and erotica authors, to real-world BDSM practitioners, to adult entertainment industry professionals—continue the conversation.

Fifty Shades as Erotic FictionErotic romance writer Sylvia Day speaks to the new opportunities the Fifty Shades trilogy has opened up for writers (and readers!) of erotica

Fifty Shades as Sexual EmpowermentRomance novelist Heather Graham praises the way the books encourage women to celebrate their own sexual shades of grey

Fifty Shades as FanfictionEditor Tish Beaty relates the process behind turning Twilight fanfic Master of the Universe into Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades as Pop CultureFifty Shames of Earl Grey author Andrew Shaffer compares Fifty Shades to sister-in-literary-scandal Peyton Place

Plus• Matrimonial lawyer Sherri Donovan examines the legalities of Christian’s contract• Master R of BDSM training chateau La Domaine Esemar evaluates Christian Grey’s skill as a Dominant (and offers some professional advice)• And a whole lot more!
Whether you loved Fifty Shades of Grey, or just want to know why everyone else does, Fifty Writers on Fifty Shades of Grey is the book for you. 

Contributors: 

• Heather Graham• Sylvia Day• Andrew Shaffer• M.J. Rose• Sinnamon Love• Judith Regan• Stacey Agdern• Laura Antoniou• Jennifer Armintrout• Tish Beaty• Mala Bhattacharjee• Rachel Kramer Bussel• M. Christian• Suzan Colón• Joy Daniels• Sherri Donovan• Angela Edwards• Melissa Febos• Lucy Felthouse• Ryan Field• Selina Fire• Megan Frampton• Sarah Frantz• Louise Fury• Lois Gresh• Catherine Hiller• Marci Hirsch• Dr. Hilda Hutcherson• Debra Hyde• Anne Jamison• D.L. King• Dr. Logan Levkoff• Arielle Loren• Sassafras Lowry• Rachel Kenley• Pamela Madsen• Chris Marks and Lia Leto• Midori• Master R• Dr. Katherine Ramsland• Tiffany Reisz• Katharine Sands• Jennifer Sanzo• Rakesh Satyal• Marc Shapiro• Lyss Stern• Cecilia Tan• Hope Tarr• Susan Wright• Editor X

Wonderful Time Teaching Cupping - Using The Ancient Medicinal Technique For Erotic Play At The Looking Glass

(from M.Christian's Classes And Appearances)

Just wanted to toss out a hearty thanks for the great folks who came out to my Cupping - Using The Ancient Medicinal Technique For Erotic Play class at the The Looking Glass ... it was a treat to teach and, I hope, everyone who was there had a good time as well!

Hear Me Read From 50 Writers On 50 Shades Of Grey

(From M.Christian's Classes And Appearances)

This is going to be a blast!

On Thursday, December 6th, from 7 - 8pm, join me and some other wonderful writers reading from the very fun new book 50 Writers On 50 Shades Of Grey at the Valencia Street Good Vibrations store, in San Francisco!

E. L. James’ Fifty Shades trilogy has fascinated and seduced millions of readers. In bedrooms, in book clubs, and in the media, people can’t stop talking about it!

In Fifty Writers on Fifty Shades of Grey, 50 writers—from romance and erotica authors, to real-world BDSM practitioners, to adult entertainment industry professionals—continue the conversation.

Fifty Shades as Erotic FictionErotic romance writer Sylvia Day speaks to the new opportunities the Fifty Shades trilogy has opened up for writers (and readers!) of erotica

Fifty Shades as Sexual EmpowermentRomance novelist Heather Graham praises the way the books encourage women to celebrate their own sexual shades of grey

Fifty Shades as FanfictionEditor Tish Beaty relates the process behind turning Twilight fanfic Master of the Universe into Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades as Pop CultureFifty Shames of Earl Grey author Andrew Shaffer compares Fifty Shades to sister-in-literary-scandal Peyton Place

Plus• Matrimonial lawyer Sherri Donovan examines the legalities of Christian’s contract• Master R of BDSM training chateau La Domaine Esemar evaluates Christian Grey’s skill as a Dominant (and offers some professional advice)• And a whole lot more!

Whether you loved Fifty Shades of Grey, or just want to know why everyone else does, Fifty Writers on Fifty Shades of Grey is the book for you.

Contributors:

• Heather Graham• Sylvia Day• Andrew Shaffer• M.J. Rose• Sinnamon Love• Judith Regan• Stacey Agdern• Laura Antoniou• Jennifer Armintrout• Tish Beaty• Mala Bhattacharjee• Rachel Kramer Bussel• M. Christian• Suzan Colón• Joy Daniels• Sherri Donovan• Angela Edwards• Melissa Febos• Lucy Felthouse• Ryan Field• Selina Fire• Megan Frampton• Sarah Frantz• Louise Fury• Lois Gresh• Catherine Hiller• Marci Hirsch• Dr. Hilda Hutcherson• Debra Hyde• Anne Jamison• D.L. King• Dr. Logan Levkoff• Arielle Loren• Sassafras Lowry• Rachel Kenley• Pamela Madsen• Chris Marks and Lia Leto• Midori• Master R• Dr. Katherine Ramsland• Tiffany Reisz• Katharine Sands• Jennifer Sanzo• Rakesh Satyal• Marc Shapiro• Lyss Stern• Cecilia Tan• Hope Tarr• Susan Wright• Editor X

Reminder: Cupping - Using The Ancient Medicinal Technique For Erotic Play

(from M.Christian's Classes And Appearances)

Just a reminder that I'm going to be teaching my very fun (and hands-on) class and workshop Cupping: Using The Ancient Medicinal Technique For Erotic Play for the great folks at The Looking Glass on December 2nd.

Where: The Looking Glass Arts

When: December 2nd, from 2:00PM to 4:00PM

Cost: $20.00 per person, $35.00 per couple with Advance Tickets; $25.00 per person, $40.00 per couple at the door.

Cupping: Using The Ancient Medicinal Technique For Erotic Play 

For thousands of years, Asian cultures have been using 'cupping' as a remedy for a variety of ills – from muscle strains to just a wonderful way to relax. In this unique class, participants will not just learn how to use cupping safely but also how to use it to enhance all kinds of erotic – and kinky – play.   

Demonstrations will include not just how to use cupping on various parts of the body in new and exciting ways but also the different types of cupping sets that are available and what type is right for everything from advanced BDSM play to just soothing an achy back.  

A Great Night Of Godless Perversity

I had a real blast performing at the Godless Perversity reading at the
Center for Sex and Culture last night - as I just mentioned on my Classes And Appearances page.

If you (alas) weren't there I've posted a special, slightly-edited version of "Friday Night At The Calvary Hotel" that I performed on my M.Christian's Queer Imaginings site. The full version is available in both FILTHY BOYS: Male-Male Erotica and my brand new best-of-my-best queer erotica collection, STROKE THE FIRE: The Best ManLove Fiction of M. Christian.

BUT, as a special 'treat,' here's the piece I wrote but didn't perform - though if you happen not to be a Godless Pervert you might not want to skip the following ... but otherwise enjoy!

BIGGER THAN JESUS

"We're more popular than Jesus now ... Jesus was all right, but his disciples were thick and ordinary." – John Lennon

#

Your dad has one. Your brother has one. Your uncle has one. Your grandfather has one. Your great, great grandfather has … or more than likely had one.

Albert Einstein had one. Babe Ruth had one. Michelangelo had one. Leonardo had one. Shakespeare had one. Lincoln had one. Ghandi had one. Hitler had one. Stalin had one.

Paul McCartney has one. Ringo Starr has one. George Harrison had one. Mitt Romney has a small one. Barack Obama has a huge one.

Anne Coulter has one.

The Dalai Lama has one. Pat Robertson has one. The Pope has one. Jerry Falwell had one.

I have one.

And there it is: the lead in to the question. But, as I said, the answer is not quite as important, as revealing, as the reaction to it.

So ... just how big was Jesus?

# 

Aside from a few unfortunate accident victims it’s a universal constant: men, human males to be specific, have a penis.

Keeping the argument Christian because, let’s face it, Jews shouldn’t really have a problem with the idea: why shouldn’t he have had one?

So just how big was Jesus? Bigger than average? He was supposed to be the Son of God, wasn’t he? So he was pretty damned big, but he probably wouldn’t want to be too big – after all, he did say something about humility, right? It wouldn’t be right if he, say, couldn’t be big enough to fit through the eye of a needle, but so big that he might have been a diversion from the Sermon on the Mount.

Circumcision is a given as he was the King of the Jews and all. But what happened to that part of him? Considering how precious various parts of Saints have been it seems odd that there haven’t been there many great Raiders of the Lost Ark adventures trying to locate that missing part of the Son of God.

We know that Jesus rose after three days -- but like most men did a certain part of his anatomy rise before the rest of him? Granting him superhuman control we can skate over certain embarrassing ponderings, but others just beg to be asked. For instance, there’s a hunk of his early days missing from the Bible: were those simply too embarrassing to report. He was, after all, an adolescent – and like most adolescent's probably spent a large part of his time locked in the bathroom with the Aramaic version of Penthouse.

“Was Jesus bigger than John Holmes?” was the question I asked people on the street on a sunny San Francisco Sunday. Most of them didn’t know who John Holmes but said that Jesus was bigger.

Those that did know about John Holmes came close to inflicting physical bodily harm, so I’ve chosen to take their answers as affirmative-via-threatened ... though I wonder about their purity as they knew who John Holmes was.

Universally everyone interviewed said that he was bigger than the Beatles, but I have to wonder how they came to that conclusion: average length, intimate knowledge, or commutative measurement: Paul, John, George and then Ringo – one dick after another? Personally I lean towards the first as putting the Fab part of the Fab Four together would more than likely would make them bigger than John Holmes.

See, isn’t science fun?

But if he didn’t have a penis then what did he have? Was God so offended by one of his own creations, i.e. the penis, that he didn’t even give his son one?

Logic being apples to the oranges of faith, these few people couldn’t see beyond the playfulness of the question -- instead ramming headlong into a wall so inflexible they could only accept The Son Of God ... with the underparts of a Ken doll.

That's the question – that's what I'm asking here and what I asked those unfortunate pedestrians on a Sunday – but there's more to it, a more than I find even more disturbing than fundamentalist threats of violence.

Why is the idea of Jesus having a penis so upsetting? Before writing this I asked some people – religious or not – and got answers ranging from “turn the other cheek” hypocritical outrage to simple “squirming in seat” discomfort. Bad enough thinking of your father’s, let alone the son of a supposed all-father, was the flavor of the conversations.

Folks – mostly folks like us -- have talked about how Christianity has perverted and criminalized our flesh and blood natures, created a totally unrealistic and honestly disturbing fantasy world that real no human being could ever inhabit. A group-think nightmare worked out from very human self-interests of power and control from a few scraps of parchment and horribly distorted myths and fables.

The atheists, the agnostics, the insincere party-pagans -- we’ve given the Fundamentalists their little spot of land to burn each other at the stake on, stone gays on, refute evolution on, believe the divinity of the president and the USA on – at least in this little piece, but you folks are fair game: Christianity as an ignorantly adopted default religion, the divinity of Davy and Goliath, the ‘based on a true story’ mythology of Satan and his kick-boxing Son Of God nemesis, and the ‘proofs’ of divinity in tortillas and cheese sandwiches.

They're a lost cause. We can – rightfully – kick them aside. The future is not for them ... hell, even the present is not for them: they dream of – and deserve – a Disneyland Yesterday of smallpox, stonings, keeping the darkies in their place, and sex in the dark ... and only to make babies.

The Bible Thumpers have long since gone, slamming the door behind them -- so it’s just you and me now.

When I asked about Jesus's penis you smirked, you laughed through gritted teeth: oh, sure, Jesus had a penis. You can laugh at that one, self-righteously giggle at my lame jokes about how big The Son Of God was ... but, honestly, truthfully, how many of you hedged your bets by flicking your eyes at sky ... hoping that the Hairy Thunderer won’t be too pissed at you for even thinking about it.

That's the frightening thing: give the Fundimentalists their hysteria -- they’ve certainly earned it for running away from reality and into a land where the drugs that save their lives, the computers that let them scream and shout about the evils of a secular society, the engineering that puts roofs over their heads, all came from what they fear more than Satan and his cloven tap-shoes: science and thought. The dick of Jesus is theirs to scream and howl about.

But why should people who haven’t drunk the sacramental wine of Christianity found the idea of Jesus’s penis uncomfortable?

It’s understandable that the Fundamentalist rockers and mumblers would foam and froth, but why is the idea so disturbing for folks who have never read the Bible, any Bible, or even set foot in a church, any church, or who are – to put it politely – vocal about being not just unbelievers but that anyone who does believe is a complete, total, and utter moron.

We -- the atheists, the agnostics, the insincere party-pagans – far too easily forget what we are not believing about: where the real danger lies.

The Fundamentalists make themselves easy targets, dancing clowns in front of neon-green bulls eyes, but when people who have never been in any church, read any religious tract, or even openly sneer any anything to do with the idea of faith squirm in their seats, flick their eyes skyward, it pulls aside the curtain and shows that irrational belief is not loud and cartoonish but hidden in plain sight.

Sure, the Fundamentalists have left the party. But far too many people on this planet have all the ignorance but none of the dedication: they are the ones who shake their heads at evolution, gay rights, sexual expression, freedom of expression, and the Separation of Church and State while not understanding exactly why.

Will talking about Jesus’s penis change anything?

Of course it won’t – not immediately at any ate -- but I hope that maybe a few of you will think about it when you look out at the world and see only the burning crosses ... forgetting that the true darkness of believing the unbelievable, of irrational terrors of punishment by Dad in the Sky, is not just in the face of a screaming preacher but in the same discomfort that comes from walking under a ladder ... or thinking about Jesus's dick.

But one more thing: just to show that Jesus and his followers aren’t the only ones being picked on here – and, perhaps, reveal how deep this seam of fear runs through even we who consider ourselves above and beyond all these foolish fears, these ridiculous beliefs, these silly irrationalities:

Just how big was Mohammad?

Reminder: I'm Reading At The The Godless Perverts Story Hour

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Reminder: I'm Performing At Bawdy Storytelling's Gender Blender

(from M.Christian's Classes And Appearances)

Just a reminder, folks, that I'm going to be performing - on stage (gasp) - at the very fun Bawdy Storytelling event tomorrow night in Oakland.

Here's the info on the whens and hows and what-else's:

Gender Blender

The Uptown Nightclub
1928 Telegraph Avenue
Oakland, California 94612

Buy your tix here: Bawdy Storytelling’s ‘Gender Blender’

$12 in Advance/$15 at the Door

Storytellers include:

• Sex Educator & Role Model Reid Mihalko
• GenderFork founder Sarah Dopp
• Erotica Author M.Christian
• More storytellers to come! 

Gender blending, gender hacking, gender mash-up… it all comes down to how you identify – and if not forever, at least for that scene, that night, that cab ride. Because freedom is all about CHOICE, now isn’t it?

This week, Bawdy Storytelling – the Mr. Right in your tighty whities – brings six sexy sagas of genderfucks, drag queens, drag kings, and one-eyed jacks to the stage of the Uptown NightClub in Oakland. These are real stories told by real people and guaranteed to incite, excite, and if you’re so inspired, invite someone home with you to create your very own bawdy story – and then tell us about it. We love the dirty details!

Future Sex For Dr. Amy Marsh's Sexuality Salon

(via M.Christian's Classes And Appearances)

This is going to be a blast: I just agreed to lead a group discussion on the future of sex for the fantastic Dr. Amy Marsh's Sexuality Salon on December 28th.

Here's a quickie write-up on the event ... hope to see you there!

Future Sex  

Welcome to the World Of Tomorrow!  Sure, we have iPads, iPhones, Viagra, the staggering depths of the Internet, but what could the day after tomorrow bring?  In this combination discussion and lecture, participants will share in some thought experiments on what sex may be like in the year year – or the next thousand years. Subjects included will be speculations on drug and chemical enhancements, extrapolation on current – and future – consumer technology, where gender and sexual orientation may be headed, the idea of artificial implants and enhancements, and even the prospects of intimate encounters with cyborgs, androids, robots, and artificial intelligences. 

Cupping: Using The Ancient Medicinal Technique For Erotic Play

(from M.Christian's Classes And Appearances)

Here's some great news: I'm going to be teaching my very fun (and hands-on) class and workshop Cupping: Using The Ancient Medicinal Technique For Erotic Play for the great folks at The Looking Glass on December 2nd.

Where: The Looking Glass Arts

When: December 2nd, from 2:00PM to 4:00PM

How Much: TBD (stay tuned)

Cupping: Using The Ancient Medicinal Technique For Erotic Play 
For thousands of years, Asian cultures have been using 'cupping' as a remedy for a variety of ills – from muscle strains to just a wonderful way to relax. In this unique class, participants will not just learn how to use cupping safely but also how to use it to enhance all kinds of erotic – and kinky – play.

Demonstrations will include not just how to use cupping on various parts of the body in new and exciting ways but also the different types of cupping sets that are available and what type is right for everything from advanced BDSM play to just soothing an achy back.

A Rave About Dr. Amy's Sexology Salon

(from M.Christian's Classes And Appearances)

Had an absolutely BLAST last night hanging out with the great Dr. Amy Marsh at her monthly Sexuality Salon.  If you don't do Meetup then sign up just to attend her shindigs: Dr. Amy is not just fun and funny but she's scary smart and her get-togethers are a real blast!

I'm Reading At The The Godless Perverts Story Hour

(from M.Christian's Classes And Appearances)

I'm VERY jazzed to be reading at the upcoming Godless Perverts Story Hour at the Center for Sex And Culture In San Francisco on November 17th.


Here's a bit about the event - as well as there wheres and whens and such:

The Godless Perverts Story Hour is an evening about how to have good sex without having any gods, goddesses, spirits, or their earthly representatives hanging over your shoulder and telling you that you’re doing it wrong. With fiction, nonfiction, poetry, and performances from Maggie Mayhem, Victor Harris, Greta Christina, David Fitzgerald, Chris Hall, Dana Fredsti, Anthony O’Con, and Simon Sheppard, we’ll be bringing you depictions, explorations, and celebrations of godless sexualities, as well as critical, mocking, and blasphemous views of sex and religion. The evening’s entertainment will have a range of voices — sexy and serious, passionate and funny, and all of the above — talking about how our sexualities can not only exist, but even thrive, without the supernatural. 

We’ve only got one life — what better way to spend it than an evening of sexy godless fun? 

Official website:http://godlessperverts.com 

Sat, November 17, 7:00 PM
Center for Sex and Culture1349 Mission St,
San Francisco CA